A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so here's the deal. I am in a long distance relationship with the guy who is my best friend. I have been with him for over 2 years. I have known him for more than 3 years. About six months ago, he cheated on me. He kissed another girl. I was very upset and we were having problems but I didn't expect him to cheat. We tried to break up but neither of us wanted to. I was very confused as to what I should do. I forgave him. Things weren't completely okay but I was sure that we were working on our relationship. Also that he was only friends with this other girl and nothing more. He said he is keeping his distance. I was upset when he confessed that he had kissed her and I told him to let me go. And I couldn't be his friend just yet because my feelings for him were still very strong and I couldn't just be friends with him while he moved on with this other girl. I was upset that it would be easy for him to just jump in the next relationship while I would try to be friends and have to deal with him having another girlfriend. I wanted to move on as well and how can you if you are still in contact with your ex as well as best friends with him. Anyways, we got back together. We fought a lot and argued. I used to feel ditched by him. He would spend time with his friends (including that girl). I felt insecure and jealous. And I felt that something was up. Anyways, I accidently came across a pic of him and that girl...on facebook. They looked too friendly and it was fairly recent. So I told him that I found the picture. He confessed that they hadn't drifted apart after that. He thinks he is in love with her. He also is in love with me. I asked him again and he said its easy to be with her. He cares about her in different ways. He is confused about if he is in love with her or not. What should I do? I feel like I made a mistake trusting him. He asked for a second chance. I told him to pick. He said he picked me. And I think thats a lie. I think he wants to keep me so he lies to me. He still says I love you to me and calls me baby. He is coming to see me in 3 weeks. It hurts so badly. I cant help but think what he tells the other girl. He hasn't kissed her or anything but he is emotionally cheating on me. Other than occasional fighting about my insecurity, I thought we were doing okay. It took me months but I started trusting him. Apparently I dont talk to him anymore about me. I have so much to deal with. He wasnt very supportive at times so I decided it was better for me to deal with some things on my own and not put too much pressure on our relationship. I still talked about personal things. Things that worried me. He was keeping quiet. There were hints everywhere. I cant believe I am such an idiot. I love him so much. I dont know if I should give him another chance or not? He wants to meet me and start over. No pressure, no expectations. I think I am preparing myself for another rejection. If its gonna be over why cant it just get on with it? Why do I have to suffer over and over again?
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best friend, cheated on me, facebook, got back together, I love you, insecure, jealous, long distance, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): He says he hasn't kissed her * yet * . Don't you believe that !
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): Thanks for responding. I understand what you are trying to say here. I just want to add something else.
He is my best friend. You don't get blessed with a friend like he is to me. Before this girl, we were really good but its been freaking hard to be away from him. Part of it is my fault. I went 10,000 miles away for university. We probably were in love the minute we met but I certainly didn't realize it until later. We both had to sacrifice a lot for each other. He has worked and saved to come and study abroad and be with me. Its not like he wasn't committed. I don't believe he is playing me. I wish he was playing me. Then it'd be easy to dump him. He would have left ages ago no? If he was playing me. What else could he want from me?
He is still coming. I can't get out of that. He can't get out of that. And he wants to give our relationship and friendship a chance. I want to too. He isn't going to be just internet air in 2 weeks. What do I do then? Should I show up at the airport to pick him up or should I skip out? And hide? I just think that I will be compared to her. Or vice versa and its like being on a pedestal or Bachelor for crying out loud. I don't want him as a friend. I don't even know if I want to be in a relationship anymore. But what if I make a mistake and give up on something really good? How can I know for sure?
Again, thank you very much for responding. Your help means a lot.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (16 June 2009):
 Oh dear,
I actually know exactly how you feel. But in reality we know that LDR's rarely if ever work. And social sites are relationship killers. If there is any issues in a relationship, they are bound to come out on FB or Myspace.
You are way too young to be dealing with this. You have your whole life ahead of you. Its an LDR, and he is playing you. You already know that.
Dump him, delete him, and block him. Just chalk this up to a bad experience that is NOT YOUR FAULT!
This happens to the best of us. And if you want proof, read my article on how I ended up here in the first place. There will be things that ring true with you. I felt stupid, betrayed, the whole gamut.I went through about every range of emotion you are currently experiencing before I got some sense slapped into me.
Date someone in the real world. This guys is just internet air.
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