A
female
age
30-35,
*immiluvb
writes:So me and my bf have been dating for 7months now. He just recently came back from a week vacation on Hawaii with his best friend. When he got back I didn't see him for another week because of our work schedules. So we went out to eat last Friday and this was my first time seeing him after two weeks so I missed him a lot! So he asked after dinner if I wanted to see a movie, I said no all because I wanted to spend more time with him and have a conversation. So I thought we should go walking downtown. He didn't want to drive all the way out by his house since we don't stay close anymore. So he was going to just take me home. I got really upset and started crying out of frustration and hurt because I wanted to spend more time with him. He was telling me that he had to get up really early to play golf with his dad and that he wouldn't have time to bring me home. He also was saying that he did miss me while he was gone and I was the only person he missed. I asked him how come he never tries to spend more days with me. He replied saying that he feel like we started our relationship really fast and that when he realized that he started to slow things down. But he never mentioned this to me. He then said that our feelings are in two different places right now and that there isn't anything wrong with my feelings but he needs to catch up to where I am! I then asked him if he wanted to breakup he said no but he doesnt know how we can fix out problem. He said that he wants to get to know me better but yet how can he do that if we don't spend more time together? So we never came up with a solution at all. We are going to out of town next week for three days and this will be very new for us. Since we've never spent back to back days together ever. I'm hoping that we can get somewhere with this trip but then again I'm not sure. He isn't the one to talk about how he feels, he says he doesn't know how to talk about his feelings. I want to work everything out because I really do care about him and I love him too. What is a girl to do?
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female
reader, kimmiluvb +, writes (6 June 2014):
kimmiluvb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYea I have been giving him his space and trying to just let him initiate things. I just want to see how these three days together will be and if I still feel as if there isn't any hope for us. I will then make the decision to just call it quits!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2014): No one said that there is no possibility of working things out. Speaking for myself; I was suggesting that if your gut feeling doesn't give you any encouragement to continue, listen to your inner-voice. You have a three-day period to reacquaint yourself with your beau. I've suggested that you not appear needy, that's all. I also wanted to convey the possibility that he is not ready for a "long-term" committed relationship. Perhaps that's why he's dragging his feet. Nothing is written in stone.
Gauge things by the quality of the time you spend together, and slow your feelings down.
If a guy tells you that you're getting ahead of him; that's fair and honest. It doesn't automatically make him a commitment-phobic dick. He's just weighing his pros and cons; just as you should be doing with the time you have. He might not be mature enough for you.
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A
female
reader, kimmiluvb +, writes (5 June 2014):
kimmiluvb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo basically there isn't any hope for us working things out?!?!?
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A
female
reader, kimmiluvb +, writes (5 June 2014):
kimmiluvb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou always have the best answers! The suckie part about everything is I want to wash my hands with this relationship because I don't want to be anymore hurt than I am now. Just yesterday he invited me out to the baseball game with him and it felt sorta awkward for me because we still haven't finished figuring out what's next with us. I want to take it slow now, and I'm willing to do just that. But I can't stay in this relationship if he won't be willing to compromise with me. Just what you said you don't think he wants to be in a relationship and honestly right now neither do I! I know I'm all over the place. I know that waiting will only hurt me in the end if it was all in vain.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2014): Hello ms confused.You know what i really miss writing here and your dilemma got my attention. First of all im sorry to hear your frustrations towards your bf. Based on your story it seems like your the only one who wants to work things out. To me your bf is giving you signs that he is no longer interested to see you.how?by spending less time with you. When your in love with someone, you want to be with the person your in love with, you get excited to see them, talk to them, spend time with them and its exactly how you feel for him.But when we lose interest, with someone what do we do? We make excuses to avoid the person. Like what your bf shows you.Honey you can go ahead, pray n hope that i am wrong but it is what it is. I am saying he wants some space from you and his giving you a cold shoulder, in the hope that you would initiate to break with him. Why i say that? He is ok breaking your heart. He knows you want to spend time with him.But he chose NOT TO. The out of town trip plan means nothing unless you see him stop making excuses, spend time with you, choose to be with you, then you better make up your mind, whether your ok feeling unhappy, insecure and confused with him. Or just let it go and find someone who will never confuse you, someone who wants to be with you someone who will never give u a reason to write here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2014): I strongly recommend that you hold up on the use of the word "love."
I consistently advise people to take it slow, and pace their feelings. Make sure that you and your partner are both on the same page. A week's vacation gave this young man another small dose of freedom. Don't get it twisted, I'm not implying he was cheating while away; but he enjoyed just feeling single again. It's a guy thing. However; judging by your description of things, it's hard to say this guy wants to be in a relationship.
He's being polite, but I don't think he's that into you. So you have no choice, but to slow down and see where this is going.
I have more advice for you. Don't be weepy and whiny. That comes across as needy, and if he's not sure how he feels; that just may be the deal-breaker he's looking for.
Don't be clingy, weigh your options. If you're feeling this guy is just stringing you along; don't let him play with your feelings. If in your gut you feel you want to dump him, do it. Let's see how the three days go.
Don't whine, complain, or cry. Just enjoy the time together. If you don't see signs of life in the relationship; bail out.
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