A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 25 years old and have been married since November 2006 to the man I loved, thinking he loved me. I was about a months pregnant at the time. Throughout the whole of our marriage he has been distant and uncommunicative for the most part. I have tried to bring him out but he kept saying he felt trapped. He always says this and asks me if i feel the same - i say no, because i honestly dont.Last night he told me that he only married me because i was pregnant and that had never loved me. I moved all the way over from England to be with him and now I have a 7 month old baby and must leave because i cant stay here. I am not a citizen yet, it takes a long time for immigration to be processed. I have to go home when i dont really have a home to go to, i have family but there wont be enough room for us long term. I am so afraid of the future and the present. I am in complete and utter shock and have never felt pain like this before. He says he has tried to stay with me for the baby's sake and because he loves me and i can understand this, if i were in the same situation i would've done the same thing - we both love our child so much. The thing is i am worried he will come home and have a change of heart. That is always what happens, we have this discussion and then we decide to split up then he comes home saying he wants to try. I cave in because i love him so, but now i need help with how to move forward. I have to stay here for a few more weeks as my child has tests he needs, i just so want to pack up and leave this minute. I am ashamed of what people will think at home, most knew this would happen and now it is i know its shallow but i feel so disappointed and ashamed. I didnt want this to happen, i still dont, but i know it must.Please help me i dont know how to hold in all the pain and tears from him. I dont know how to stop loving him and leave here. Please help me with some words to be strong.
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female
reader, Serinity +, writes (28 January 2008):
 I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. It is heart breaking but........life is not always easy. And that's a big reason why it's so precious. Many of life/s best rewards are possible only because you must work your way through difficult challenges to get to them. If everything in life were easy, there would be no opportunity for real fulfillment. If the only things you experienced were pleasure and comfort, it would be impossible for you to fully appreciate them.
When challenges come your way, when there are obsticles that block your progress, find it in yourself to be thankful. For the difficulties provide you with truly magnificent opportunities to create value, to find meaning and fulfillment in living.
Challenges enable you to give of yourself and to make a real difference. And that's something you desire at the deepest level. Life is not always easy, and becuse of that you have the opportunity to make it truly great.
So, in closing I'd like to say; I know it's hard and it hurts but time will mend your wounds. And you don't need to hide your pain from him, he caused it why should you hide it from him? And who cares what your friends and family say about it, so it didn't work! You would have never known if you didn't give it a try. Look at it this way, the pain you're feeling right now is a small price to pay for the beautiful creation that has evolved out of all this. Your baby is your reward and will love you unconditionally, probably more than any man will ever be able to love you. So if it doesn't work, cut your losses, go back home with your head held high and know that your not walking away empty handed, you are walking away with life's greatest reward..... a human life, created by you. Good luck and God bless. Feel free to send me a message if you'd like to chat more about this.
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