A
female
age
41-50,
*ak2122
writes:I really need your advice, i have been dating a guy since March this year, at the start of May i found a txt in his phone saying ''sorry to call you soo many times but i thought youd let me know what you were up to''. I confronted him about this at the time and he said she was just a friend who he'd arranged to talk with, so i let it go. But in July we were about to put an offer in on a house and something in my gut still bugged me about this txt msg so i asked to see his phone bills. I found out he meet her on a work trip in London and had been phoning her lots and sending emails, the emails said stuff like ''iam very fond of you already and would like to meet up for drinks sometime, cuddle up and see what happens''. After i found out at the start of May the calls and emails stopped, he was'nt in London very often as we live in Ireland. I spoke to her and she said he called alot and asked her to meet him in London if he was there and even asked her to come to Ireland. I dont quite understand this as he was soo good to me, in April when this was happening he drove a 100mile trip regularly to stay with me, was on the phone every other hour and any time he was off he was with me, and was telling me he loved me. In May he moved in with me and any time he was not working he was with me, he had an apartment in Dublin but since we started dating he never stayed there as he always wanted to stay with me. This i can kinda understand as a small mistake at the start of a relationship but in July when i was doing my investigations i further found out he had been using internet sites such as faceparty and plentyoffish and msn. He had been asking people to meet up with him bout 4/5 and 3 of these people he had been talking to about sex. At the end of May I found one conversation with a girl that he was asking her to meet him that night and they went on to talk about having sex, she sent him a saucy video and he was asking her to put on her camera but she didnt, they left it that he was to get back to her later in the week when he wanted to meet, but he never did, and didnt contact her again. Although in June he was talking to other about sex and meeting.I am extremly hurt by all that i have found out as in June he was asking me to marry him and was treating me so good. He says that he never had intentions of meeting these girls that it is something he has done in the past and that he should have stopped it but didnt, he says he would never hurt me that way. We have been arguing for 2mths now. A month ago he had put a deposit down on doing a lie detector test but in the end he wouldnt do as he said it was up to him to put things right, but as we have been arguing soo long he finally done one a few days ago, the three questions were, have you ever had sex with another girl, met another girl with intentions of sex or had ant sexual activity with another girl since the March when he started dating me. It came back that he hadnt and that he was telling the truth. Have you ever heard of anything like this before? Would you believe he was asking others to meet up quite desperately but had no intentions of doing so? Do you believe the lie detector tests work? These girls were not attractive so i dont understand his behaviour. His dad cheated on his mum when he was 12 and they split up could this have anything to do with it? He says he has learnt by his mistakes and will never use these sites again.Please help i dont really have anyone else to ask about this...
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moved in, msn, sex with another, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): Yes, as hiskitten says, it is a lot of malarky to put up with.Its up to you if you want to take a chance on continuing with him. It does sound more trouble than its worth.But only you know whether you want to put up with it, or if there is a REALISTIC and GOOD chance that he really will "reform."
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (5 September 2007):
 HiPolygraph tests are about 96% accurate. I would be happy with the results of one.Chances are he wasnt intending on meeting them. Im sure there are plenty of guys and girls that lead people on in that way.But i also think he needs a lot of attention. THAT might be because of his upbringing yes. Not getting too much attention as a kid? Parents too busy arguing to give him much.He sounds immature and i guess if it was me i wouldnt see him as a safe bet. I certainly wouldnt of put up with all that malarky, let alone reach the stage of lie detector tests. You saw the evidence in black n white on screen. But if you can believe him about not doing it again and he loses the instant messaging friends list he obviously has, then he might well mean what he says and all will be fine.Hope it works out.C xxxxx
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