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He says he loves me but I'm doubting and he's still wife the wife

Tagged as: Online dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 March 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 25 March 2009)
A female United States age 41-50, *aisy123 writes:

I met a man online. He said he was separated and would be getting a divorce, but soon after we started to get to know each other, he admitted that he was still with her, just wanting a divorce. We continued to talk and he told her that he wanted a divorce and moved to the basement. We met in person (we live 15 hrs. away from one another) hit it off, emotions became involved, etc. He has since told me that he loves me. He told his wife about me as well (but not that we have met in person). They have discussed divorce for many hours and are working out the details. He did sleep with her 1 wk. after she found out about me...she said she needed closier. He continues to sleep in the basement and says that she is coming to grips that divorce will happen and he wants me to move there with him once it's over. But things have changed since she found out about me. Before she was distant and didn't communicate and they hadn't been sleeping together. Now she said that she wishes things would've worked and is talking to him about coping with this divorce all the time. She cries to him, he listens and tells her they will be better off when they move on. He says he still wants to be with me, but is getting really frustrated with me that I need reassurance on a daily basis. He wants me to just trust that he is trying to help her cope with the divorce and that we will be together. Although I want to be with him, I'm doubting this and feel that his feelings have changed for me already. I fell in love with him and now don't know what to do???

View related questions: divorce, fell in love, move on

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A female reader, daisy123 United States +, writes (25 March 2009):

daisy123 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Okay, so they have filed for divorce. She (wife) is having a difficult time dealing with this but says that she'll move on. I made a somewhat effort to break-off my relationship with him because I thought it would be easier on everyone involved. He was devastated, says that he loves me and he is planning on me moving there when the divorce is final. I'm have a lot of concerns......should he date before jumping right in to another relationship, will his ex be a burden to us since they have two children together and he wants them to get along as good as possible, does he know what he's getting himself into (I want a commitment). I've told him all of these things and he insists that he loves me, that he only wants to be with me and that we'll make it work? I'm afraid of getting hurt but I do love him and want it to work. Help!!!

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A female reader, sappygirl United States +, writes (18 March 2009):

sappygirl agony auntrun away fast!! He is a liar and a cheater!!he will never leave his wife and you are just sex to him. He will say and do anything to get it. Think with your head and not your heart. there will be other available men that you click with. Leave this guy alone. Besides the distance is too far

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (18 March 2009):

DoubleM agony auntWell, in my opinion, and based on what you said, he may be playing you like a fiddle. Hope I'm wrong in a way, but sure sounds like the typical mistress kind of thing. All that he has told you is what he wants you to believe. And that is all you know. No apology for being short and to the point.

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