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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: My husband lost sexual desire 5 years ago. He says he loves me. But he never wants sex. When we have sex, he loses his erection in seconds. Specially ,after he is kissing and stimulating me. I;m completely confused. We had been at doctors several times, and he is ok. I feel frightened an lonely ,because I don't know what to think. He is a nice husband. I would not think , he is lying ,or cheating, but I really just dont know what to think. We were only 45, when it started. Is there any chance , that he is only impotent with me? And this is just the chemistry between us? What do you think?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): It's easy to stress out and forget that sex should be fun. Heck, I've gone soft with a girl before and I was only 24 at the time because I was thinking too much.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): Men are under so much stress to be sex masters, last long but not too long, stay hard, be aggressive but not pushy, be ready whenever she wants it but not otherwise,
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A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (22 January 2011):
 I agree with Illithid's assessment. It sounds like her is suffering from performance anxiety as well as something physical going on.
From the sounds of it, I don't think it's you. If he's willing to get naked with you, and he initially sports an erection, then it's either something physical going on or something in his head.
As far as solutions -- have you tried Viagra or any sort of ED drug? They are fairly common and most people have had good success with them.
Is he overweight? By doing cardiovascular exercise, he could help improve his blood flow. As we age, our veins don't carry blood as well and by hitting the gym and aggressively getting in shape -- he can reverse some of the damage.
Does he have diabetes? Too much alcohol? Drugs? Smoking? All can cause ED.
Finally, he can still please you manually and orally. Sometimes just by being physical close can satisfy a woman's need for sex.
I think you do have some options here. Hopefully something works out for you and hopefully your husband is willing to work at it.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (20 January 2011):
 Aside from low testosterone or the normal decline with age, it could be performance anxiety. He knows he's been failing, so whenever he gets too close to sex, he could be stressing / feeling guilty and it kills the mood. Men are under so much stress to be sex masters, last long but not too long, stay hard, be aggressive but not pushy, be ready whenever she wants it but not otherwise, provide enough foreplay, keep her heppy with the sex life... That it's easy to stress out and forget that sex should be fun. Heck, I've gone soft with a girl before and I was only 24 at the time because I was thinking too much.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 Believe or not the male sex drive begins to wane at age 40. I knoe this thrills most wives in that they can easily out wait this phenom. and be free of "wifely duties "as they put it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): I think your husband used to do lot of masturbation in the past and he has this low bp too, therefore to extend his intercourse time and stop pre-ejaculation he need to do some exercise daily i.e, walking for 2kms at least and then see the difference it worked with me
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