A
female
age
41-50,
*usan28
writes:I have been in a relationship with a man for about 6 months. I really enjoy his company. He is funny and very understanding. And very passionate. But over the 6 months certain things have been bothering me and Im wondering if I should really be In this relationship or maybe I should end it before it goes to far. He has already talked about us living together.Let me tell you the big stuff first. Right after we started seeing each other he discovered he has hep c. (When have never had unprotected sex or I haven't come into contact with his blood In any way.) but it scares me. I've become very cautious and even though only a small percentage if people get it from sex, it still freaks me out.He doesn't know how he got it either, and he can't get medication because his insurance won't approve it. Said it could take up to a year and he is already in stage 3 liver failure. He has apparently has it a very long time and didn't know it. The next thing is I know he has a problem with abusing pain pills. He has been in them a very long time after hurting his back at work, but I have noticed he runs out of pills way before its time for a refill. That makes me worry to. Because he never has any money but I have no proof that he buys them.That's the two biggest things. On other issues, is his financial stability. Money isn't everything but it helps when he can pay his own way. I by no means make enough to support him and his daughter( she isn't really his, he just takes care of her), that's another situation in itself. He lives with his brother, drives his brothers car. I'm sure he probably doesn't pay anything in food. He says he helps with paying utilities. But he get paid on a Tuesday and is broke by Friday. And only gets paid twice a month. We never go out, when we do its to places that don't require money, the park or for short drives. We went out to a nice restaurant once but I paid.He says he loves me and wants our relationship to move forward.I feel like I'm just asking for trouble. But if I dump him will he be ok. Because he says I'm his only reason to be happy and that in itself sounds like a mental health issue.Any advice would be great. Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 January 2015):
 Hi Susan28 (or countryaly76???), in an answer on this question http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-great-except-that-he-cant-follow-through.html you state that he is healthy, runs a couple of times a week and takes no medication.
Please clarify.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 January 2015):
 Dear OP, this is from your follow up "And he tells me not to worry about it that he will find a way"
I hope he didn't pat you on the head like a good little woman when he said that.
Until he can demonstrate that he has indeed found a way to help with bills and the costs of living I would be keeping him at bay with a ten foot pole.
He needs to demonstrate NOW that he is making an effort, and he could start with budgetting his money so that it lasts for the time it should and not for a few days at a time.
If you take him into your home it might be moving forward for him, but it will a bloody great leap backwards for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 January 2015):
 To me the health concern is the least of it (but not insignificant AT ALL). The fact that he ISN'T able to take care of himself, he lives with his brother, not to HELP out his brother, but because he can't take care of himself (financially), he doesn't have his OWN set of wheels, so how will that work out if you live together? How will he get to work?
IF he moves in with you, I think he will PRESUME that you carry the MAJORITY of the costs (as you already do now) and he will "help" out with minor bills. That seems rather unfair. Living together as a couple should BENEFIT the BOTH of you, emotionally and financially.
Then we move on to the HepC. He is in STAGE 3 if liver failure?
Facts:
When it comes to cirrhosis, men tend to progress faster than women. Additionally, people over 40 with cirrhosis progress at a faster rate than younger people.
He MAY have had this for OVER 20-25 years to be at stage 3 - IF his Hep C is slow moving. IF it's FAST moving it could have been as "little" as 10 years- but that also means stage 4 (liver failure) can come slow or quick. Even 10 years IS is a VERY long time to "ignore" a disease like this.
And IGNORING this won't make it go away. What happens when he starts to go into liver failure? Because he WILL without treatment. It's a fact. It's not a possibility. IT WILL HAPPEN.
With stage 3 there is a LOT of exhaustion, depression and other physical side-effects that can lead to missed days at work, and then what? He gets fired and YOU are now the ONLY one to take care of him?
I think your GUT instinct, your inner voice is ringing the warning bells because you KNOW if you continue with this relationship, you will undoubtedly end up the caregiver.
It's been 6 months and you have doubt. SERIOUS doubts. And I don't blame you.
I would seriously consider if THIS ^^ is what you want or not.
If you do not, END it now. He will be OK - except for the Hep C - dating or not dating you won't fix that.
I think your biggest dilemma is that you feel ending it would be rude, and mean. Because he IS a good guy. But here is the thing, he CAN be a good guy, but not a GOOD match for you.
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A
female
reader, Susan28 +, writes (4 January 2015):
Susan28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo answer some of the questions, his idea of moving forward is us living together, so he can move out of his brothers place and have a place for him and his daughter to go and he would be able to be with me everyday and be happy. And he does say that he will help with the bills, and I have asked how since he has a hard time making it from one paycheck to the other. And he tells me not to worry about it that he will find a way. As far as his health issues, his future doesn't look good, hopefully in time that will all turn around. I have been very supportive with him, taken him to doctors and things which I don't mind doing at all. His problem with his pain and how he decided to deal with it causes me concern, he has no plans on stopping. Surgery could relive him of most if his pain in his back, but he refuses to have it done. He has admitted to buying extra medication which is very dangerous and illegal. His daughter is not a problem f
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (4 January 2015):
How does this man envisage the relationship moving forward, what does he think that will entail?
Has he really thought about what moving forward means, is he wanting you to live together? Is he going to pay rent, pay for food, will he keep his brother's car or will he expect to have use of yours.
What does he spend his money on, that is supposed to last a lot longer than the three days it currently lasts. Would he look at using his medication correctly or does he expect you to live with a man who is constantly in pain.
I think the warning bells are ringing very loudly for you, and yet the carer within you is concerned for his safety if you decide this is not what you want.
If you are honestly interested in taking it further then get him to answer some of the questions above. Ask him what he means when he says he wants to move forward, ask him what the ramifications will be, ask him if he has honestly thought this out.
He will either get a wake up call because he hasn't thought it through, or he has thought it through and you are the answer to all his prayers .... somebody to care for him and support him financially and emotionally.
Personally my gut feeling is that he sees you as a way out of a sticky situation ......... Good luck whichever way you decide to go.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (4 January 2015):
 I don't mean to be cruel but this guy has red flags all around him. I think a long term relationship with him would be exhausting and frustrating. It might be best to cut your losses now. I wouldn't want to put up with everything going on around him. You are wise to be concerned. Bow out.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (4 January 2015):
 True love is not based on money or health conditions. You have listed several things about your relationship that raises concern to you. Now, what you have to do is ask yourself if you love him enough to stay with him despite these issues.
We are humans, no one is perfect. There will always be some imperfections in what seems to be the perfect person or perfect relationship.
Are you willing to make love to this man every day knowing you may be at risk? Are you willing to love his daughter just as much as he does? Are you willing to contribute financially and give up luxuries to make ends meet? If being with this man means more to you than the issues you have, then you truly love him and shouldstay with him.
However, if all you do is worry about his health condition, count every penny you have to spend on him, then I suggest you let him go now before he falls deeper into the relationship and it will hurt him more down the road.
If you're worried about his mental health issue, I'd suggest finding his friend to watch out for him during this time.
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