A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend with whom we began to send nude photos to each other ending out masturbating one another. We did it several times and he started saying he wanted sex, then it was me who wanted sex and now he has backed off saying he can not treat me like the whores he usually treats and respects me more than others b/c I'm his friend.Now he no longer says we should masturbate, but when we meet he looks at my breasts and butt and insinuates to me. If he doesn't want anything with me, why he do it? I am confused and do not know what to think! The worst thing is that I'm starting to like him more than a friend and now I can not help but to think of him.The thing about him is that he has been so in love with a girlfriend who dumped him 11 months ago and hasn't recovered from that, he says he has tried and date several girls and he even says he likes one but it is complicated because she has a boyfriend and the truth he do not know what is going on with him. I've been his confidant and now I can not tell the guy what I feel for him. What do I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (26 December 2011):
 Hi, I am so sorry you feel sad like this. Maybe it is not all bad. If he can go "fickle"so quickly then maybe he is not worthy of you? Even though you really really like him a lot. It sounds like he falls in love and out of love easily.
when he comes back to you, and I think he will, then be firmer with him. Tell him you have no more time to waste. Ask him to make a decision. You in a an honorable way. You as the exclusive committed relationship. Or you move on.
Tell him he is losing a good honorable woman who has real feelings for him. But that you will not be treated lightly. If he is willing to show a committment and be serious then GOOD. If not it is his loss.
You are clearly a nice woman. Who deserves a man who will cherish her and remainn faithful and true.
Get out a piece of paper and write out the 10 best qualities you can bring to a relationship.
Then the 10 most important qualities you want in a man.
And then go looking :)
Best qualities are NOT physical things (though that counts too) they are character aspects
Top of my list when I was looking was:
1. Must be respected by his friends and have long term friends who he gets on well with.
Because guys can pick a phoney guy from 300 paces away. Girls are often duped by a guy who seems too good to be true but is in reality a phoney.
Let 2012 be your year to value you, and find happiness for you. Best Wishes
Abella
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Abella, I'm afraid to tell you my guy says he is seeing a girl who recently broke up with her boyfriend. He says he doesn't know what's going on with him b/c he likes me as a super friend, but don't know if maybe things can change :-(I guess I lost my chances with him, I want to cry ;-(
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (5 December 2011):
He is not rejecting you. In fact he has you on a pedestal as more special than the others. He REALLLLY does not want to lose you.
Be patient with him. Help him to learn some trust. I know a guy who was literally left at the altar on the day of the wedding. It took him ten years to date again he was so tramatised. Now he is happily married.
Your patience will be an expression of love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Abella, we've been friends for a long time now, but he doesn't seem to want to share with me more than a simple friendship. He says he is afraid that if we get intimate I might wnat something more and he does not or viceversa. Another thing, before he was in that relationship that break his heart he used to be a big flirt and now that he's been dumped he is going again to his wrongful ways with women, but he still says he doesn't want to see as the others, but I feel like been rejected when he said that :-( Should I give him time!
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (5 December 2011):
He is not completely over the ex. But he is working on it. And he does regard you as a good friend and wants to retain you as a good friend. Because you are a very important sounding board. He may even later develop deeper feelings for you. And when he does woo you he, it is apparent, will treat you like a lady.
So he is re-balancing the current relationship so that he can demonstrate his respect for you.
I understand where is is coming from. I was still fragile and not sure if I was ready for a relationship. Yes I had dated a bit, but no one really encouraged the butterflies to flutter inside me. Until I met "the one". The poor man. I would only meet him for lunch for one whole year. We talked, shared books, even went for walks at lunch time. Due to my child I had a strong need to be very very sure before things became more. One whole year. He deserved a medal. But he endured it AND remained utterly faithful to me, despite my hesitation to allow more. And it really allowed us to discover all the things that make us tick. Our relationship was far better for this year of "getting to know each other". I can thoroughly recommend it as a temporary time to enjoy each other's company without pushing the hesitant one.(me). His patience and empathy won me over in the end.
A relationship does not have to start with intimate relations. There are other powerful ways to build a relationship without intimacy. And later all the bells and whistles were in good working order so that did not suffer the one year time out. It certainly worked for us.
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