A
female
age
36-40,
*ach4070
writes:So here is my dilemma. I've known this guy for about a year and a half now. We're both pretty young. We just started talking in September. Then we started dating in November. Ive been in other relatonships before, and well he is the nicest guy ive met, honest, good lucking, and attentive. Things were going great! Then all of a sudden we were supposed to meet up the next day adn he calls. We both talked in the beginning about how im not the type to just date for the hell of dating. I mean i wanted a relationship. ANyways he said that he isnt at a great time in his life right now. His school was on strike for 3 months and so thigns were great casue he had no work to do, I on the other hand had school but i managed. SO his school resumed, and well he said he got his grades from last term and he needs to do better in order to stay in his program. But he said he couldnt handle a relationship, cause he is getting too distracted. He said he wanted some time apart but wanted to stay friends. I told him i didnt think it was necessary to break up, we could just chill for a while, slow thigs down. But he said no, its not fair to me that he isnt attentive to me and that he wouldnt be able to fully give it his all in school still. He said he still likes me and isnt looking for anyone. He just needs some time. Says if we had met this time net year it would have been better. Just basically we met too early. We both graduate next year at the same time. So here's the question(s): 1. is he telign the truth. In guy language is that I basically dont want to be with you, but i dont want to hurt your feelings? or does he really mean what he says? 2. Should i really stay friends with him knowing how much I like him.3. How do I get over him? any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sach4070 +, writes (2 April 2009):
sach4070 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey,
SO i let him set the pace, and it turns out he couldnt handle the fact that i was alitle "distant" even though that is hwat he wanted in teh fiorst place. He wanted breathing room adn I was giving it to him. SO we talked one on the weekend and ended up getting back together. NOw here's the queston, what happens now? How do i not let this happen again. He says he wants to be withme, and that school is goign good, he says he doesnt want to hurt me, but that us being apart is worse on him and me. So i want to know how i set the pace? How do I create that spark that we had, so i can keep him?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): Why wouldn't he be telling you the truth, now?
I think you need to take him at his word: he DOES like you but getting his grades and schooling to the point where it needs to be is important to his future and career.
If he tells you its not fair to you to stay in the relationship right now, he's thinking of your well-being. You might get frustrated and unhappy that he can't give you the attention you want.
So, bottom line: respect his decision, wish him well and let it go. RythmandBlues2 has summed it up nicely......good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): I think any time a guy tells you he wants to be just friends, it is simply time to get your energy out of there...he is not the last guy on the planet....if you care for him like you do, it will just hurt you more to stay friends with him....so let him go, wish him well and get back into the dating pool....you'll be happier and busier and you may meet someone else who is not just dating for the heck of it.....and you never know you all could pick up things where you left off someday, but it won't happen if you don't let him go first....otherwise you will be dragging and slogging through a relationship that you are not happy having with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): got to respect his decision, work is important more than friends because education is forever friends not so much.Give him some space, lay low stay loose friends like i dunno say hi everys o often let him contact you but give him the space to get one with what he wants to do.lads are unpredictable creatures we never know what they are thinking let them get on. we area busy gender too so stay busy focus on work, go out more still. don't wait forever.
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