A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I'm 24 and I've been with my bf for just over two years now and up until a few months ago everything was great. Our relationship resides us between long distance (see each other at weekends) when I'm at university and being close distance when I'm back for holidays. We have been in this situation since we started courting.I've considered our relationship balanced where we've both had our time as well as time for ourselves. It all started roughly mid March, I noticed my partner was very distant on the phone, barely sounding excited whenever he rung or if I rang him and felt like he was ready to go just minutes after ringing me. It felt like if I said nothing nothing was said. I raised the issue one night while talking and just asked if there were any issues as I noticed a change, he stated it was just work and stress. Then during a week home I noticed a change in his attitude, no happy bright lit face whenever we met up, no random hugs of affection it felt like he was being fake with me. Also he started to be a little criticising about how I looked and etc. I turned around and asked him why was this attitude had come from etc. It ended up Him telling me that he didn't know what was going on any more, that whenever we do long distance that he didn't find himself missing me as much and that he didnt feel excited anymore, he stated that he thought he was falling out of love with me and that he didnt know that it was work and all the increased workloads that were doing it. I asked if he wanted to break up with me and that id rather know and not being dragged out. He said he didnt want to break up with me and that he was willing to give it a try. In the morning he was just telling me how much of a fool he had been and how he couldnt bear the thought of losing me and that he needed me in his life and that I was the only one for him etc etc. Things seemed to pick up again he was saying more things to me, telling me he was missing me etc. But I had to go back to uni soon.Then two weeks after, I came home again for a weekend to see him. Even though we did couple things it felt like my boyfriends cloud hadn't quite lifted, he was being a bit distant with me and whilst doing things like watching tv, there was not intimate cuddles or kisses, I felt like I had to initiate them. I went home that night and I spoke to him about it on the phone I told him that it felt like he was being fake, false and that he didnt really seem to enjoy my company, or told me he missed me and glad to see me. After a long intense talk he kept insisting that it wasnt me that it was him, and he was aware that he was distant. He told me that he feels like ice at the moment and that he doesnt know what it is, he says its not us and that im the last thing he wants to lose and that im the only person he's ever seen a future with. He tells me he loves me and that I need to be a little bit patient with him whilst he deals with his "mood". I'm trying to give him his space and be positive to him on the phone but I feel like the phone convos are still strained, I don't know if this is because of our situation. Im studying at the moment so there's not really much to talk about and vice versa for him he just working. He still does ring me but doesnt tell me he loves me when we hang up Im the one who normally has to say it. I'm really needing for some advice, I dont know whether to just relax stop worrying (which I believe my Bf picks up on) give him space and stop worrying about whether hes going to say he misses me etc. I really want to talk to him again about us but I dont know whether to just be a little more patient with him least till i get home when we have a chance to have some proper time together and not have to condense everything over a weekend. I dont think our situation is helped by the fact im up here and that the phone is the only way we communicate as our phone convos can become a bit stale due to the fact our daily activities are so monotonous ie Im just studying 24/7 hes working or out with friends. He does talk about plans for the summer and days out so I don't think he's just waiting until me exams are over. I'm not the type that's going to wait around forever and I know when a relationship is over. its just my BF has been honest about where I stand and has made it clear to me that if he didn't want to be with me or no longer loved me he would have ended it already. This is whats making me think about what movements I should take. Sorry for the long long letter just needed to get my thoughts out
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female
reader, Debking79  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry I didn't reply to your question sooner.
Long distance relationships really take their toll. And if your BF is going through a lonely spell/rough patch/mild depression, it can make things worse.
I think that everyday life can get in the way of romance. It may only be a rough patch, but if life gets in the way now, what hope is there when you both have careers, maybe kids, extended family, responsibilities. maybe ask him if how he feels day in and day out. Is he normally happy or depressed? Then go from there.
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