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age
36-40,
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writes: My boyfriend and I have been together just around 2 years now. Of that two years we have lived together over a year. He is only a few years older than I; we each have a child from previous relationships. However, he has been married and divorced for over a year now. I have never been married. This is where the problem comes into play. At the beginning of our relationship we discussed the possibilty of getting married and he was open to the idea even after the divorce. Definately not rushing into it though. He told me he ws going to 'chill' for awhile and not jump into marriage too quickly in this relationship (he married his ex-wife primarily because she got pregnant). At the time I agreed to take it slow, but next month we will have been together 2 years and within the past few months he keeps telling me he isn't looking to get married again. Although, he will bring up senerios like 'when we get married' and 'our wedding'. Then the next day he will say he's not looking for marriage...ugh! Many times he brings it up in arguments then again not always. He's a great guy with good values, but he is so confusing. How do I know if he seriously doesn't want to be married again?! A few months back we purchased a home (it's in his name, but we have a mutual agreement that I pay half the mortgage)and I told him straight out before we moved into this home that if he wasn't serious about me and this relationship to let me go. Basically, he told me he was serious. Now I'm getting confused and wondering why I keep sticking around if nothing more is going to happen. I want to be married and have more children. Talking to him makes him annoyed so what should I do?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2011): Yes, I do want to be married (someday); also I can see myself with him the rest of my life. He gets irritated and angry if I talk about love and marriage. He cannot even tell me he loves me; maybe a handful of times it has occurred. He may say it one day then the next he will tell me he doesn't feel that way anymore. So frustrating. Almost like he is taking this relationship day to day when in a 'normal' relationship it's a progression over time. I am 26 and he is 31 it's like c'mon really!!!! He knows I want to be married and have at least one more child. That is as far as that goes ;(
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (8 July 2011):
 There is one VERY important piece of information you have not stated. DO YOU WANT TO BE MARRIED someday?
Your bf is sending you mixed messages with hot and cold running feelings about marriage.
You have already committed your life, your families, your living arrangements, etc into ONE. You have been with him long enough to ask (not an ultimatum here) if he sees himself married to you someday and possibly when.
If he gives you the song and dance of "I dont know" or "No" then in a very cool, non emotional way tell him that he needs to knock of the marriage talk of "someday". He needs to understand that that is VERY sensitive and personal to you, (and here is where you need to get brutally honest if you do want to be married someday) that you want a real marriage, wedding, husband, etc.
Do not give any deadlines or ultimatums. No talk of ending the relationship. Let him absorb what you told him for a few days.
Here is where you need to be responsible for yourself. On your own, you need to decide what is a reasonable amount of time to wait for him to decide if you are the one and he is going to make it legal. If that time passes, and he has not made good on it..then you need to decide if being housemates/bf and gf is enough.
If not, stop wasting your time.
Next, if you are contributing to the mortgage, you should have your name on the deed. Keep really good records of what you contribute to the house payments, repairs, maintenance, etc. Find out the laws in your state about cohabitation, because if you bought a house TOGETHER financially, your name should be on that paper!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): So hangon just a second- you pay half the mortgage but your name isn't on the title? FIRST MiSTAKE! Get your name on that title as that property is half yours, if not then you don't pay the mortgage, you merely pay a small amount of living expenses, if he wants to treat you like a tenant then that is what you be.SeSECOND MISTAKE- putting up with his mixed signals and letting him mess you about. Suffering from divorce or not that's his problem not yours! You want marriage, his actions arnt saying he wants marriage so ultimatum time. Tell him straight if he doesn't get his act into gear and put a ring on your finger then your gone. He has led you on and deprived you of your dreams for long enough. I hope you see sense and start being a bit selfish if not for you, your son- he needs stability and this man so far hasn't offered it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): You are definitely being taken for a ride and you are paying half his mortgage and he gets the equity for that so when he sells the house, he gets the money YOU put in back in his pocket. How do you know if he's serious about not marrying you? Because he told you he wasn't going to. Your relationship is headed nowhere and he's getting all the benefits like sex, companionship, a housemaid, someone to watch his child, and build up his credit and equity. He knows he's being selfish and if he cared a lick about you he'd let you go!
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