A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here goes my story.. I met with my present boyfriend in college. When we met, I didn't find him particularly attractive in any sense and would have never thought about a relationship with him. He liked another girl at that time (her childhood friend who he is still close friends with) Then we became very good friends, and he started liking me. But i rejected him. We still continued to be friends. 4 years passed and i was a bit confused about my liking for him as i started thinking he is truly sincere to wards me. But he suffered through his studies during this time as I used to get angry quite often ( I don't know why, maybe coz our philosophy of life is poles apart). He now tells me that he had stopped liking me after i rejected him and used to get angry, but I was still in the fairy tale world where i thought he liked me. He said he cared for me, and loving and caring are 2 different things for him. In fact after college, he was thankful we didn't work out (because of heated angry arguments). Then after 1year of working, while we were still in touch (long distance), he felt i truly started liking him, so he said he also started thinking about us again and we then formally started a relationship. But In anger, i have said a few things that really hurt him even now, and he now told me, he regrets starting a relationship with me. He said if he goes, ill be sad and broken, so he wont leave me. But he says he does not love me anymore. Maybe love will happen after marriage. I feel he is just keeping his commitment. When i ask him again if he loves me, he said he doesn't know. He keeps the phone down on me very often and this is one of the reasons for arguments. He wants to talk for 5mins max everyday and talk only something like "hi, hello... " and nothing emotional. What should i do? I have feelings for him and he has been my very old friend who i trust completely, but i feel my relationship is less of a choice now, and more of a decision he has to stick to. A breakup would be hard for me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): It's hard but the truth of the matter is that he is holding back on how he truely feels. He regrets getting back with you because he thought you'd changed your angry ways but you still had anger which has probably pushed him away again. He must love you if he is staying with you and he probably just wants an apology for everything to change so he can be happy. If he really didn't love you I reckon he'd have thrown this relationship away a while back and almost instantly. He has done it before so why wouldn't he do it now. If I was you I'd go talk to a councellor (you can find online ones)about how you really feel inside and go back into history this will help you to open up more to your partner too. You need to talk to him about how you feel and also how sorry you are. You need to add the reasons you are like this. I know it's hard but it's the only way you can save your relationship before it goes too far down the track. Ask what you need to do to save this relationship, ask yourself, ask him. Listen to him don't just put your opinions across and if he says there is noway to fix it and he wants it to end, tell him you want to try work it out first with less anger, this will probably persuade him to give it one last shot but if it doesn't let him go for now and concentrate on getting yourself less angry, and becoming a better person then you will be able to keep a relationship and attract the right person for you.
Good luck
x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): We all make mistakes in life.
May be he is tired of your anger.May be you are very spoilt at home and expect every one else to spoil you as well.
Men are very different dear.He may love you but he will definitely not like confrontations.
They don't respond to anger,nagging.The only way to conquer a man is unconditional love.No emotions and No dramas.
At times he will stick with you because he is honorable and end up making both of your lives miserable.
Do you want that?Talk with him.Tell him you are sorry.Ask him what would make him happy.
If he says breaking up with you would make him happy,if I were in your shoes,I would do it.
Love is all about not hurting each other and making each other happy.
I suggest you go for some anger management classes or a counselor.
Repressed anger due to something that may have happened in childhood will harm you from inside.
Life is not easy.I suggest you think twice before speaking,so that you don't hurt anyone.
Please do not hesitate to talk openly with him.That's the only way to solve this problem.
All the best!
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