A
female
age
36-40,
*ettyBoup
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now. He is the most wonderful boyfriend and most amazing person I've ever been with. When I'm with him I feel happy and content. I adore this guy and I hope to be with him for a long time. The problem is I am not happy with our sex life. He doesn't want have sex and jokes all the time that he doesn't like it and can't be bothered. He says hes too old, he just 40! I am much younger than him, 23 and I desire a good sex life. I dont see why we shoudln't have a good one. It was good at the start but now we only have sex once or twice at the weekend and not at all this weekend. Also it seems I always have to innitiate it. I get so upset about it because I adore him so much but I think he doesn't desire me or find me sexually attractive anymore because of his lack of interest in having sex with me. We have talked about it. He says sometimes that his libido has been really low the last 2 years, doesn't know why. Also he says he's never really been that into it and prefers the companionship side of relationships. But he has told me a couple of times that he dreads and puts off sex with me because he feels like a failure because I don't orgasm. I have never orgasmed from sex or anything else with a man, not through lack of trying. It is not his fault, I'm sure its psychological, I can't let go enough with someone else. But I know/hope that someday I will learn to orgasm from sex, it doesn't bother be that I dont now, I just enjoy sex for the pleasure and closesness with my partner. He knows this, and understands that I can't orgasm yet. He says he used to women who orgasm really easily, its easier when u get older I hear.I just dont know what to do about it. I worry if I just leave it, it will get worse and worse. He seems ok with not having regular sex. But I am afraid to broach the subject because it seems every time I do we argue. Last night I mentioned we hadn't had sex for ages(10 days) and he said please dont pester me for sex now. (Granted it was when we were going to sleep, I pick the wrong times). What can I do to discuss and improve our sex life without making him feel nagged and attacked about it? Surely it doent need to be such a big issue? I'd be happy if we just had sex once more a week.Sorry for the rant, please help :)
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libido, orgasm, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (15 July 2009):
BettyBoup is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your answer. I have told him I don't care if I don't orgasm. I get upset about it because I wish I could but I get really close but never all the way. I've told him that I really dont care about it and I hate the fact that my orgasm is an issue. I love having sex with him and hope someday I will oragsm. I have told him but I guess it hasn't changed how he feels about it. We do have lots of variety and different positions. He is a great lover. I just wish we could have sex more often!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): He is now bored with you sexually, but still fond of you in other areas. I am talking from experience. TAKE HEART MY DEAR!
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A
male
reader, Rogerramjet  +, writes (15 July 2009):
Hmm, have you told him (and really convinced him) that you REALLY don't mind not being able to orgasm?I have to say that I could understand dreading sex if he's not able to get you to orgasm. I think wanting to insure that your partner is FULLY pleasured goes hand in hand with his enjoying the companionship side of relationships more then the physical side.. It sounds like he REALLY does care about you.I know that if i wasn't able to get my partner to orgasm, i'd feel pretty much like a failure, too (because i get the absolute most enjoyment out of sex when i know my partner is getting off!)I would make sure he really understands that you DO NOT CARE about orgasms.Also, do you throw some variety in when you have sex, or is it always the same way everytime?
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