A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should I be upset by this or not?. My boyfriend and I had an argument last week. He assumed that was seeing someone else, which I wasn't. We made up yesterday, but something bothered me. He said that on the night we argued, he went on to a porn website and played a little bit of the video, then stopped the video as he was thinking about how much he missed me and he didn't continue to watch it. He also said that he wanted to reminisce about when we were together. I don't know if he meant in general or just about us having sex. I was hurt as I do have issues about porn. What do you think?. Has anyone else here been in that situation, and how did it make you feel, and what did you do?.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2017): Nobody has any right to tell you porn shouldn't bother you . That is a highly personal thing and they are projecting their own feelings into you. If it's fine for them? Then ok! But nobody nobody can tell you that you have to be ok with it and that its some god given right to men.
Many many women feel that porn is degrading . There is huge amounts of research that shows the way women are generally depicted in porn
Is damaging to women's self image and often abusive .
Who the heck are people to say you have to be ok with that just because they are . There's also recent evidence that men who watche porn damage partners self esteem . I'm not sure if I can link that article but that if you search it you'll find It. People who study this topic in depth and speak to thousands of women are able to Provide rounded views so you don't feel on the outer . Many women comply and are also uneducated about the inequalities of porn and the way it degrades women ( or simply don't care ) Dont think that just because someone is a woman that they necessarily have their genders best interest at heart . Having daughters certainly makes one look at porn in a different light or at least it should
All I'm saying is don't ever EVER let people tell you ' you shouldn't be upset
I can't believe people think they have the right to tell women they have no right to feel anything except ok about porn . It's the same old story.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 February 2017):
 Personally I wouldn't be annoyed with him. If you have issues with porn then you should deal with them, I don't think you are able to control what he watches.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2017): As a man who uses porn, I can advise that you shouldn't let it bother you. Porn is a fantasy/escape- just pure sex in an instant-hit form. There is no emotional connection to it- except if it becomes addictive, which it can. Your guy doesn't seem to have any addiction to it as he stopped watching the video part way through.My wife and I don't live together, we live quite far apart and only see each other very couple of weekends, at the most. I have a fairly high sex drive so have to resort to masturbation from time to time. Sometimes I use porn, but I always prefer to fantasise over a real woman- my wife. Porn is just characters, acting, it isn't real. So when your guy said he stopped the video and instead thought of you, maybe that's what he meant- he fantasised about you instead.You should probably both talk about porn though, at some point. While it's bot of your rights' to dislike and use porn, there should be no pretending about the subject.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2017): Wanting to use porn is totally acceptable . Not wanting to be with someone who uses porn is totally acceptable .
Personally I believe the vast majority of pirn is deeply degrading to woman and it is important to me to be with a man who does not support the degradation of my gender and my daughters gender . I am upfront about this with any man I meet and expect them to be upfront if that doesn't suit their lifestyle too
That's NOT being a jailer ! It's called being honest and expecting and giving respect
What is the point of two people being together if they have vastly different world view on important issues and sexuality. Better to sort that out at the very start
It's important you find your own beliefs and stand by them. Don't try and change others but also don't let any one try and make you feel there's anything wrong with you if you feel that you don't want porn in your relationship . Just be honest with him and expect the same from him.
There will be a lot of people telling you the problem lies with you and not him if you choose to only have relationships with men who have a value of no porn but remember , their views are no more valid than yours and in fact , YOUR views are the ones that count because they are YOUR feelings !
Most people who write have minimal education on the topic or come from an agenda that says male pleasure trumps all, including a woman's feelings
I urge you to value and respect your emotions on this and stay true to what feels right for you . Good luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 January 2017):
 I would be OK with that.
He could have gone out and had an ONS (one night's stand), but he looked at porn instead and when that didn't feel right or good to him he stopped.
Just because you had an argument or semi-broke up doesn't mean he stops being a MAN any more than YOU stop being a woman. Maybe he thought masturbating would make him "feel" better (for a little while at least).
I'm NOT a fan of porn, don't watch it myself, but I'm OK with my husband doing it as long as he sticks to the rules of being discrete (don't need my kids walking on that) - but I'm not the "sexual jailer" of his needs. I don't think it's my job or my right to "control" what he watches.
Thankfully, he doesn't watch much so it's not a problem. He (unlike apparently MANY men) doesn't have any on his phone either.
So for ME personally, I would be fine with it. He is open and honest. He could have said nothing and you would never know.
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