A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy about a month ago and everything was going great. We were so genuinely happy with each other, always laughing and having fun. I met his friends and family. It felt like we were moving towards a relationship. We would see each other 3-4 times a week.He even told me once that in future it’ll be weird when he goes out at night now that he’s seeing me. So I was under the influence, he would not be going out as much.One night recently he went out and the next day his contact was strange. His messages were just statements and not really asking about me. I called him that night and expressed my concerns, maybe that he had met someone else. He told me not to worry and that he really likes me. He asked if he could come around or asked if I wanted to go to his. I got of the phone and said I’ll call him back, I didn’t, he called me back. Then did the same to me, said he needed to think. So he called back half an hour later. The next day he didn’t message me at all which was strange as we have been texting everyday for a month. I called him that night and questioned why I hadn’t heard from him. I asked if he wanted to end things and he said were moving too fast even though I feel like he was the one who was pushing for a relationship. He said he’s focused on work, has “bigger plans” even though realistically, I’m at uni doing a relatively hard degree, he hasn’t gone to college. I kept asking what he wants and if he wants to continue seeing me, in one phone call it gave him about half an hour to give a response. I asked if we could meet up that night and he said yes at some points, then said no. Told me that he's going to hurt me (emotionally) if we meet up and he doesn't want me to persuade him. I'm going away on holiday and something came up about my trip and he indicated that I'll be hooking up with men.We hung up and I tried calling back which he refused answering. It’s been a couple of days and nothing. Very hurt and confused as everything felt like it was going great. We would look each other for a minute and be smiling or find something to laugh about. We would compliment each other a lot. He told me I was ridiculously attractive and that I had the best personality. I always tried to make him feel confident too.TL;DR a guy that I was seeing where everything appeared to be "perfect" and we got along like a house on fire, suddenly told me after a night where I felt potentially insecure about him going out and his weird text messages afterwards that he doesn't want to see me anymore because he has "bigger plans", that we're moving too fast and doesn't want anything serious. But his actions said something very very different when we were together. Even the way he would look at me, I felt he loved and cared about me. He would make jokes like "Can you imagine if we got married?" I'm fairly shattered. He does have an issue with expressing his emotions because one night after we went out together for a dinner with his parents, we were laying in bed and he told me he hasn't said "I love you" to his parents for years and expressed some guilt.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2018): Excuse me for tagging on an answer here.Its clear that you are very shaken and upset.What you thought was a perfect relationship has just fizzled into nothing right in front of your face.Take him at his word.If you contact him he will only hurt you.Why?Because he has succumbed to being a lads lad again and had a late night hook up as per previously.His excuse is that you will be travelling soon.He has decided to dump you before you can dump him when you meet someone else and this will leave him pining like a baby for you!So he sees you to have the potential to emasculate him and turn him into a quivering jelly that has just left the mould but hasnt set yet.And yet why again?Honeypie hit the nail on the head!He is too young and too immature and greatly influenced by family and friends.He sees you as way out of his league and if you cut him off now you will prove just that because you know already without him telling you.He is dreading telling you but he has made up his mind to be brutally honest if need be.He had a back up plan.So dont be sad and dont be confused.Dont ask for reassurance and dont ask for explanations.Text him something simple like " I see it cant work out and I wish you all the best. No hard feelings! "And be the one that got away.And enjoy it.Live your life for what it has for you.Ignore this side line boy and get on with your own trophy achieving life.You will meet better options because this guys plans dont include you so dont let him treat you like a fly he needs to swat away.And enjoy that well deserved holiday or travelling.And consider being with him rather like swimming with crocodiles and show him no affection what so ever again!
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (18 June 2018):
 Forget about it.
He’s right, everything was moving WAY too quickly. Whether he initiated it or not, it doesn’t matter. This sounds like a whirlwind romance that’s fizzled out as quickly as it began.
Talking about marriage after one month is ridiculous. You barely know each other. I always think it’s a HUGE red flag of someone that’s very clingy and needy to discuss future plans at such an early stage.
The positive side is it’s only been one month. How messy would it of been 1 year or 3 years down the line? Be happy it’s happened sooner rather than later.
Block his contact and move on. Don’t waste your time on people who don’t know what they want.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 June 2018):
 Cut all contact, OP
He doesn't want what you want. I do agree that after ONLY a month of seeing each other this seems... rushing it.
And for you to get SO insecure over ONE text after he had a night out when you BARELY know the guy, it's too much OP and might be why he is pulling away.
I don't think he WANTS anything serious. Or anything serious with you. Which is why I'd sooner just block him and move on and NEXT time you meet a guy you are interested in... GO wayyyyyyy slower.
Meeting his family after a month? too soon.
Talking marriage after a month? too soon.
Implying that he MUST have met someone else on a night out because a text the next day was not what you expected it to be... after a month... too soon and too over the top. Maybe he was just hung over! Or tired?
And let's not forget the :"I'm going away on holiday and something came up about my trip and he indicated that I'll be hooking up with men" Why would you hook up with other guys if you are dating someone? That's a ridiculous accusation. It shows he is pretty insecure too. Maybe that is why he was RUSHING the relationship and introducing you to family? But overall, it's not a good sign if someone you BARELY know is accusing you of potentially being a cheat because you are going on holiday.
And it might be that he is insecure because you are better educated and pretty. Some guys WANTS a GF like you but they feel they really aren't good enough for someone like you and thus they sabotage the relationship.
Go slow, take your time getting to know someone (and no not just over text).
If someone tells you I am not sure about this, then let them go. You don't want to waste time on someone who ISN'T sure they are into you.
I think you can do better, OP.
Go on your holiday and enjoy the time off. I would back away from this one. Too many red flags this early on doesn't bode well.
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