A
female
age
36-40,
*irliestar
writes:well.. i'm in a difficult situation here so i need all the advice possible before i do something stupid.my boyfriend and i met in high school once, but at the time i was with someone else. then i saw him like 5 years later once i was single through a friend and we started talking. at the time he was kinda trying to get back together with his ex who he refered to as "history" i sort of became "adventure". everytime she pushed him away, somehow he came to me and i basically saw him every night since then until now. i was never really too sure of how this would develop but finally one day he decided to let her go for good. and still talking we were good... sort of... his ex tried to break us up and once it almost worked. i had opted to let him go and just be on my own again but he wanted me around so he said lets just keep being together. during thanksgiving he went away for a week and then when he came back he was completely changed in a good way. finally he asked me out. a few days later we had an accident while we were having sex and i took a plan B that almost drove me to death to the point where in January i was in the hospital for 4 days. during all this, he was with me always.... i was grateful for that. i've never seen a guy care for me like that before. anyway, our relationship has been a serious one. but a few months ago the subject of not being too sexually active came up. he said he was bored and needed time apart to build a "frustration" to become a "better lover" so i let him take time and eventually things were better.he's a very random person.. which is the opposite of me... so one day he looks up apartments to move in together, the next he's looking at joining the Marines. one day he says "let's go camping in Peru" the next he's stopped practicing spanish and has backed away from that idea... i dont do well handling this stuff... i dont understand him. i tried talking to him about it last night. i mean talking not even like confronting him or anything.. and what he said about careers isnt that important.... but then i brough up the fact we havent been sexually active in like 3 weeks.... and all he can say is "it's ok" i asked him why he says that and i finally got out of him by pieces that well... he's bored of it again... like we do the same thing everyday (wake up, go to work, go home, hang out, go to bed) because we sleep together every night even though we both live with our parents. we dont hang out with my friends like we used to so they dont really talk to me that much. but we always have to consider his friend and his friend's gf. but other than that we dont go many places. we even used to go to the gym but we had to caancel because he doesnt want to go anymore and i am going to a diff one. he says we dont do anything cuz everything is always the same and then after this conversation he went to sleep. i couldnt sleep.. at some point he choked and woke up when he came back from the kitchen i asked him if this is something we will be able to work out. he kissed me and said "yes" and this morning he said we shouldnt think too much, that we need to live in the moment. how can i do that if i dont have security? i know he loves me but, then it ends? i cant even think half the time without considering him and his feelings. while he says we need to think about ourselves as individuals... please help :-(
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female
reader, angelbbabe7490 +, writes (28 October 2009):
 First of all, you both are individuals and you both need to be able to think on your own and by yourselves. It seems to me like your boyfriend is struggling to find himself and in unsure about what it is exactly that he wants to do with the rest of his life. If you are both more concerned with each other than the both you are getting off track. Maybe he needs some more time to think for himself and get himself on the right path.Independence is happiness and if you are not happy with yourself than you cannot be happy in a relationship. You also need to develope some sort of independence and your own sense of security without being involved in a relationship. Time for the both of you may be the best both ways.
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