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female
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anonymous
writes:Iv been having a relationship with a man for 3 years,he has never been married or has had kids.He works away during the week because he is in the RAF and he comes down to see me at weekends though i have spent some time at his house during the week.The problem is i have 2 children under the age of 13,i want him to live with me but he said it wouldn't be ideal because of his work commitments and he felt it wouldn't be fair on my children if he was to move in because he isn't the father,i feel disheartened and used.He says he loves me but only when i ask him if he does and im now thinking,whats the point in being with him? How can he be serious about me if he wont live with me? He said we could live together once my kids have reached the age of 16 and he would be retired by then,he is 43 and im 35,what shall i do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): I think 3 years is long enough to wait for commitment. Have you talked to him openly about what you want and why you don't want to wait another 3 years? He's loving you on his terms. Is that what you want?
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female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (29 August 2006):
 I think he sounds sensible to me it is goo for your children dear and also for you emotional and economic independence, I think you'll have time to decide if he's adequate for you and your children so that you can settle together imagine your children get to love him and you spilt plus move house
I would be happy about his decission
love
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female
reader, camille +, writes (29 August 2006):
 It is very tricky for you, but I want to ask, what do you think you will gain in this relationship by moving in together? Some people don't feel comfortable saying "I love you", it doesn't mean he doesn't, but asking him is a sign that it's important to you. As he isn't there during the week, and things seem to fine for him this way, it's time for you to make a decision. What do you want and why? If you think he's making a lame excuse about when he retires then that's a problem, but then why would he say it? Would he not have just left it as a "no"? It sounds lovely that he's thinking about your children but I don't know him and it sounds like you think it's another excuse? If it is, bear in mind that this man has never been married, never had children, to move in with you and your children may seem like the biggest, scariest thing in the world, not to mention totally unchartered territory.
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