A
female
age
30-35,
*ucgirl_23
writes:My boyfriend and I met in high school and have been together for almost 4 years. Since the day I met him I knew he was "the one". We've been through so much in our relationship and have come a long way. We've talked about marriage and babies and the whole bit. We broke up once, a year ago, for 4 months. We were able to experience growing up a little since we were in such a serious relationship so young. In the end we still wanted to be together so we got back together and have been in a really solid relationship since. Our lease just ended and he has been waiting to hear from a job so he kept his job in Sac while i moved to my dads about two hours away. I was going to move wherever he did once he found out. I've never done long-distance relationships because i always knew i wouldn't be able to handle that, but I'd do anything for him so thats what we did. Our first weekend together was supposed to be romantic. I didn't see him much at all and on the last night when i finally got to spend time with him he said he wants space from us. He told me that he's been wanting this for a month but never got the courage to tell me though he had plenty of openings. I got comfortable with the idea of giving him space. I figured this would just be a phase he's going through.If that's what he needed I would give it to him and wait for it to pass, but he later told me he wanted more space and wanted out of the relationship. He said that the relationship was too much for him right now, that i was smothering him and that he wants to break up. This caught me off-guard because I thought we were happy. He never said anything and I thought he wanted to be with me just as much as I wanted to be with him. He says he still loves me and wants to see me every other weekend. He still wants to talk to me on the phone but just wants to be independant and figure things out for himself. He said it has nothing to do with being single and wanting to meet someone else. He said there is no spark anymore and that we never have fun together anymore. He said I've become too dependant on him and doesn't want that for me. I know I've become dependant on him but it's only because I've already chosen him as the "one". He IS who I wanna spend the rest of my life with and he said of course he wanted the same so i gave my whole self to him. I was emotional when he told me all this because i wasn't expecting it. I finally convinced him that i would give him the space he needed to get through this as long as we could stay together. I didnt understand why we had to break up for him to do that. So here I am texting him as little as possible because I dont want to come off as clingy during this. He had his mind set on us breaking up so I'm walking on egg shells asking him to try doing this together. He keeps telling me I'm always going to be the one he wants to be with and I'll always be his girl. I love him so much. We've been together for so long and this last year our relationship was the strongest it's ever been. What happened? What does he really want? What should I do?
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (12 August 2009):
What he really wants is for you to give him the space that he requested. Please realize that you are very young and that he may not be "the one." Especially at your age, people become curious and wonder what else is out there, and wonder what they're missing. It happens.
I think he does still love you and care about you; however, he's gotten comfortable and perhaps "bored." I don't mean to make you feel worse, but it's a possibility. He stated that you two no longer have fun and that you've become dependent on him.
So what you need to do is literally give him his space. DO NOT CONTACT HIM!!! Do not text him ocassionally. Just because you call him or text him a couple times a week doesn't mean that you're giving him space. That couple times a week is still clingy and needy. Let him see what he's missing. He can't miss you if he still hears from you. He'll miss you when he doesn't hear from you at all. Trust me. Let him come to you until he's ready to be in a relationship with you again. Do not still see him every other weekend or have sex with him. Let him realize what he's missing. Trust me on this.
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