A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of a year and a half recently told me that our "spark" has gone and he doesn't love me in the same way as he did before, this absolutely devastated me and when he told me I immediately moved in 2 the spare room and cried myself to sleep(we were staying at my house)I dont know what I have done to make him be like this with me..I feel completely betrayed and humiliated but as soon as he clicks his fingers I'll go running.I am still head over heels in love with him and would do anything he says, I cant imagine not being with him. He has told me that he wants us to be together for the rest of our lives as he knows there is no one else for him but how can I belive him after what he said. He still tells me, even now, that he still loves me but I just dont see how he can after what he has said.Everytime i try to initiate sex he blatantly refuses me and I feel completely humiliated. I even thought if I dressed up for him he would show some interest but he didnt even bat an eyelid.I have tried to think if I have changed at all and I dont think I have, I've tried to be like what I was when we first started seeing each other and generally we have more of a laugh together when I act like that..We used to have sex once a day, now were lucky if it's once a month. I feel so depressed and just want to cry the majority of the time. He has told me that my constant sadness is annoying him so I put on a brave face for him..I really need help this whole thing is just making me worse..
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 This is very hard for you, I'm sure. I have no idea what has changed in him, but maybe there's something else going on in his life that has eliminated his sexual desire for you. There's a whole list of these possibilities, from a medical issue to stress, maybe he's not really straight, another woman, oh, I don't know, it could be anything.
But if he's not willing to work on this with you, then he's essentially your roommate, not a true lover. And don't you deserve more?
You still have your whole life ahead of you, if you're 18-21. Why would you want to spend the next 60-odd years in a mutually discontented, sexually unsatisfying, soul-destroying relationship?
You can keep him in your life as a friend, maybe, but I think you seriously need to consider a break for a while from him. I know this sounds harsh, but unless he acknowledges that this is a problem and he's willing to work on it, he is not going to change. And the fact that he's demanding you put a brave face on it? Ptui on that. You're entitled to your feelings, and you shouldn't have to pretend that everything is all right and normal when it so clearly is not.
Take a break from him for at least a month. Move out, unless it's your flat, in which case, HE moves out. And let him know that while you care for him, you are not happy in the relationship as it stands. I certainly wouldn't be. You CAN live without him, you CAN meet another man who will appreciate you and desire you and treat you with the respect and dignity you deserve.
Take care.
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