A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have a boyfriend and we've been almost a year. I saw his pic. and a girl that makes me confused if who is the girl beside him. He tell me it's his cousin but when i talk with his step sister. She tell me it was his xgf. i confront my boyfriend if its true but he keeps on denying and tell me its his cousin. this past few days i was trying to ask the name of the girl in the pic. but she don't like to mention the name and his the one who get mad at me for asking for it. so my question is why he didn't tell me about his xgf? does he still love his xgf? when he ask me about my exbf i tell him everything. its unfair right?
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 I once knew a gal who dated her cousin. Could it be that both of them are telling you the truth? That his cousin, is his ex-girlfriend and he's ashamed for you to know the truth? Continuing to badger him about the same thing is getting you nowhere. Sneak the picture out and ask some of his friends who she is, then you'll be able to better know how you feel about what he's been telling you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): Don't allow him to give you conditiona and don't allow him to get angry when you ask him questions. He has to stop the lies and start getting this relationship back on track with honesty and the truth. Let him know that is what you expect of him. If he get's angry easily and tries to control you with that anger, then he is wrong to do this to you and you may have to be smart and re-assess this relationship. It could mean he has 'control' issues and you don't even want to go there, hun. Yes, sometimes love does make a woman blind, but she shouldn't be stupid. She has to select very carefully, the people who are good for her life. Put some boundaries in place, here. Tell him to stop the lying, the manipulations of you with his anger and if he can't do this for you...then you need to be really, really strong and rethink about whether, he is the 'one' for you and really use your head! Because a true love with integrity is NOT control and anger. Good luck, dear.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your good advice. btw ya! he treat me so good and special but i can't understand him why he always make me believe with his lies. i respect his past life but when i caught him. he always deny and easy to change his minds giving me a condition.for example he wants to buy me ice cream but when i start to asking about something i want to clarify with him. he get angry and not doing his promise. he just puzzle my mind giving me a condition coz he know i do love him. should i need to be blind for love?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): Does he show love and caring for you? Is he respectful and treats you well? If so then realize, hun, it's just a picture. If it is his ex gf, he felt uncomfortable telling you who she was and he lied. So instead of trying to get all confused, insecure and upset over this...just commmunicate how his lying, has made you feel and tell him 'trust' must be built with honest behaviors, not broken down with untruths. Tell him to put the picture away, where you can't see it. Don't ask him to get rid of it. He will do that all on his own, eventually, when he's ready. Just because he hangs onto it doesn't mean he loves her, still. It just means he has a past history and he needs time, to move forward into the future with you. Don't make one picture the 'end all' in this relationship. Communicate calmly and maturely...insist that he respect you and your feelings but you need to respect him and the life he had before you. Take care, dear and just set a few boundaries, here. Every relationship needs that. Boundaries teach others to treat us with honor and respect. Insist on that.
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