A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, got quite a long story to tell and i want your advice. I'm 25 and when I met my boyfriend he was a virgin, he's 36. Well, he has been masturbating to visuals for nearly 20 years. I entered into a relationship with him not really thinking about porn, didn't really know he was looking at it at the time. He didn't have many sexual fantasies, he doesn't fantasise now he just thinks of what we've done. He's not very sexual his friends joke he's an asexual. I fulfilled the fantasies he did have, nothing extreme. When we became sexual he seemed to enjoy it and he did send a few mild risqué messages. He was able to get half an erection from me naked but it was hard work getting it full, he would go soft half way through sex. He blamed it on nerves. If it did work he would take ages to come, we just gave up and he finished off with his wrist, I also found out he had to think extra dirty thoughts about me for it to work more. I then come to find out he had a massive porn collection which he thought I knew he was using. He used this on the days he doesn't see me, three days this is. Now, it takes about 15 minutes for him to come to this! What the hell? I'm a real live woman, am I so unattractive compared to them? Well when told to get rid he didn't like it. He said I like wanking off to it and accidentally said they're better. He was determined to wank off to this when I wasn't there, it almost makes me feel they are the only ones who do it for him. I managed to get him to delete it all! He seemed to be okay no withdrawal symptoms, now what happens is he comes to quick!!! He tries to say it's because I'm so hot lol. Any ideas? He also said he still felt like using porn now, why aren't I enough look at?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): He said it takes more than one picture/video in a session could that be true?
A
male
reader, Athz  +, writes (12 June 2012):
 he's too much into porn... and the ill effects of excessive masturbation has made him less sexual.. Masturbation is an extreme case in which a person uses high pressure of his hand as compared to the p---y.. He should stop masturbating otherwise his penis will become limp.. Keep an eye on him and stop him from watching porn as he will stop watching porn the frequency of masturbation will automatically reduce... But it needs hell of a will power to overcome this tempt... He will regain his sexuality with time as his masturbation stops...! Good Luck..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2012): C.Grant I am not open minded!!! I went absolutely ballistic at this porn collection we had only been bf and gf for 3 weeks lol I still go on about it now I thought I was special, we had a bond before the 3 weeks. I just want someone who doesn't care for porn when they are in a sexual relationship.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 Daisy_Daisy makes excellent points. A 36 year-old virgin who hasn't taken a vow of celibacy is certainly going to find himself beguilded by porn, and will 'learn' all sorts of things that will get in the way when he interacts with a real woman. He's had 18 years as an adult to learn terrible habits -- it will take some patience on your part while he 'unlearns' the stuff that's getting in the way. Be patient, subtly teach him, and to the extent you are able and willing keep him worn out enough that porn will seem like more trouble than it's worth. ;)
You sound very kind and open-minded -- he's lucky to have found you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2012): He almost needs to reboot himself - he has been used to being satisfied in a different way. He needs to go cold turkey with porn so in a while he can be a aroused in a natural way. If not he will always have this problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2012): The better comment came during an argument when I was saying stop, I said it's because they are better than me and I heard a slight bit of agreement then he said not better not better, different. It still hurts now. He tried to claim he was thinking of me and looking at them when he was wanking.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 Any guy who actually believes and says that porn is better than actual people is not worth your time. If you think he's actually given this up and want to give it another shot, I have many links on my profile that may help you out.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (9 June 2012):
 Probably a man needs to answer this but this is what I think:
He got too used to using porn to get off and was almost fully dependent on it to get aroused etc. Hopefully the 'too quick' thing will even itself out - maybe it's because he's not masturbating all the time now.
As for the comment "they're better" - maybe it was a defensive comment because he felt bad about not being able to get it up. I believe men get sensitive about that kind of thing ;)
I am quite open minded about porn and don't think there's any harm in a guy looking sometimes, but with this guy it was causing a problem because he wasn't functioning properly in 'real life'. Therefore I'd discourage him from using porn again.
You are enough to look at I suspect (he's told you you're hot), but he's just used to masturbating. Hopefully he'll change his habits.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2012): No wonder he was virgin. I cant believe he would say that to you. Porn can be terribly destructive when thats all you rely on. I would say he probably became mildly if not more addicted to it. So he wants to watch it out of habit. But its a good thing in his case that he doesnt watch it anymore because he relied on it soley probably since he was a teen. It causes him to only get turned on visually instead of physically. Maybe one day you can incorporate it into your sex life if you want to but for now, its best to just reassure him that its because he did it for so long and to please keep it between you two and not include porn.
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