A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i split up 8 months ago but he wont stop texting me abusive texts, leaving abusive messages (still after this long)etc. He calls me such horrible names and makes me feel like its my fault that he got depressed because i broke up with him and that im not worthy of anyone. Everytime i see him he gets very physical and has to be pulled off me by my friends. Ive met a couple of new guys since the break up and they've all been such good catches but everytime when it starts getting more serious i break all ties and run as quick as possible in the other directions. Ive found a boy i really like but im worried i'll do the same again. Everytime anyone tells me they like me now i find as many flaws as possible and reasons to leave the relationship. Im scared that this breakup has ruined the chance of me ever falling for someone again. xx
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 Change your phone number, and report your ex to the police for harassment. This is a serious issue. He got physical with you? You got witnesses? Report and have a restricting order on him so he's not allowed to contact you or get near you. Seriously. This man is trying his best to ruin your life, and you need to get up and stand your ground on this. Don't take anything he says to heart, because he is simply trying to drag you down. None of it is true, but he is a weak man, and weak men fight dirty and pull others down, rather than build themselves up. Don't let him pull you down. Report what he's doing, save the texts and show them to the police. Get a restraining order.
As for new boyfriends... 8 months can be a long time for some, and for others it can be a short time. Especially when your ex is still harassing you and pulling you down. I am sure he wasn't a cake-walk when you were in a relationship with him either, and that this is just his final lashes at you. All of this bullying and harassment is going to take time to get over. And before you're ready, you're going to keep running away from new guys. Your heart isn't ready to love again, that is why you push them away. You still have unfinished business with your ex. Stand up to your ex first and deal with him once and for all. Change your phone number as well. Then once he is OUT of your life, your healing process can begin. And once you've begun healing, you will see that it gets easier to get closer to new men again.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (9 June 2012):
 Hi,
Go to the police, show them the texts explain whats happened. Change your number too. Its gonna take a while to totally relax, but you'll get there in the end. You already know theres good guys out there.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 An abuser is only able to abuse someone who ALLOWS IT!!!!!
YOU, OP, are ALLOWING this idjit to have control over you.
Now.... pull on your "big girl" panties, take a deep breath, puff out your chest and say, (to him and yourself): "Enough of this bu**sh*t. I am in control of my life - NOT you" - and simply ignore anything and everything that he does (which is directed toward and affects) to you.....
It won't take long for HIM to "get the message".... BUT, YOU HAVE TO DELIVER IT!!!!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (9 June 2012):
 OK regarding your ex: his behaviour is totally, totally unacceptable. It is harassment. You could go and talk to someone at your local police station about this. I know from experience what happens. You will write a statement of what's happened. A policeman will have a word with him and warn him off. It won't go any further (i.e. to court)unless he continues with the harassment and the abuse. I know how you feel. It will take a while for you to feel relaxed and comfortable enough to relax with another guy. But not everyone is like your ex. If a dog bit you, you'd be wary about other dogs for a while but not forever (hopefully) because they don't all bite. It's the same. Don't beat yourself up about it. Tell your new boyfriend about it. It doesn't need to be a heavy conversation, but let him be aware of some of what you went through and I am sure he'll be sympathetic. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 Your ex has broke down your confidence and your self esteem. It is no wonder you find it hard to trust another guy at the moment when he is still hassling you. My advice is to change your phone number so he cannot contact you, or else ring up your phone provider and ask them to block his number from yours. Explain to the new guy that you find it hard trusting guys after everything your ex has put you through and ask him if you can both just take it slow. Give it a chance, and always remember he is not your ex. Good luck.
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