A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My 38 year old boyfriend of a year is a bit introvert and was dyslexic and I suspect slightly ADD. He gets very focused on work and projects at his house. He shows me he cares with practical things.I'm struggling to feel wanted and cherished when he is so easily distracted. When we rarely have sex he doesn't seem that connected and is a bit clumsy and sometimes he doesn't climax. We have had sex twice this year only! He is not gay and seems to have a low sex drive. We meet three times a week and want a future together. We get on really well generally.I have tried coaxing and explaining that intimacy and sex are important and makes me feel feminine and desired. He says he will try harder to please me. It just never happens. Then he admitted that he's never had much of a sex drive and its overrated anyway. He said he doesn't masturbate much.He doesn't want us to break up and neither do I. I just wish he desired me more. He said it's not me and not personal.
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male
reader, dayvide  +, writes (28 February 2015):
 This issue I think its more common with men these days having low sex drive.. You guy seems to be a nice man and all I can say is not to give up on him maybe he'll improve later but if you think you can't wait for later I'll suggest you have a heart to heart talk with him and let him know where you stand on the issue. If he can't give you the sex you need then he should let you get it outside atleast.. Loving someone isn't about being nice and showering gifts, sex is very important and one of the ingredients to have a wonderful relationship
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (28 February 2015):
 If you want to stay in this S/S/I (sexual/sensual/intimate) Never-Never Land.... then have at it.......
If you have other expectations and preferences in life... then you will have to part from this guy and go on your own way.....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2015): Your boyfriend has many impairments; and emotionally, you're demanding more from him than he is capable of offering you. You should stop and calculate how much weight you place on his shoulders by pressuring him to perform beyond his abilities. On top of that, he has to witness your disappointment. To go even further, he has to face his other challenges which also demand a lot of him.
Trying to maintain focus, function in a world that constantly challenges his disabilities; then also trying to please someone who's sexual needs and sexual-drive are superior to his own. One sexual-disadvantage of being a guy is, you can't fake-it.
You may not want to breakup, but it is inevitable that you will. Depending on how long you can enjoy a sexless relationship.
There are just some needs we have that can't be sacrificed and still have a fulfilling relationship. All you can really do is bide your time, until you are willing to make a decision. Either to stay, or find a more fulfilling relationship. No one can tell you how to elevate your boyfriend's sex-drive here. If he can't change in this area, then you have to. That's just the facts. You may have to supplement with pleasure-toys.
Feeling sorry for him is not a reason to stay.
Being unfulfilled grows into frustration. Unsatisfied frustration becomes resentment. How much sexual-frustration can you tolerate? I guess that's your challenge.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (28 February 2015):
Yes i can understand your situation very well and its not easy for you.However your boyfriend seems to be a very nice person.As you know some men/women have different levels of a sex drive.For example some have a high sex drive others a medium sex drive and others a low sex drive.It maybe that your boyfriend has a low sex drive and he cant help that he is doing his best as he is However if this is a very important part of the relationship for you maybe you would consider you both going to see a counsellor and talk the situation over .Kind wishes NORA B.
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