A
male
age
41-50,
*nubis02
writes:I met this incredible girl we share a lot of the same interests. From the beginning she stared she is seeing someone else, we spent Valentine's Day together and then spent the following Saturday cuddling and watching movies. Then broke contact for a few days and when asked about it she responded that she is not used to dating multiple people. She also states that she wishes to not chose at this point and would like to remain friends and see where things go in the future. She has also stated she is afraid of commitment. I guess what I am wondering is this worth my time I have so many people telling me that I shouldn't bother but I do enjoy her company and would like to see where this can go. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (1 March 2015):
Her words seem like an easy exit from anything needed on her end to pursue any relationship with you. Also, I am completely baffled by the idea that she said she is afraid of commitment when she is already committed to someone else. Spending a Saturday cuddling and watching movies does not sound like dating to me as well. I absolutely believe you are wasting your time with her.
I think you should just get back out there and find someone else who is available for you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2015): Keep her in mind but don't bet your horses on her. Find another girl but if opportunity pops go with her. She has basically chosen a guy and it ain't you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 February 2015):
 The biggest question that I can see in your submittal is:
Is she putting out for you?
Answer that, and I can give you a more-detailed reply....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 February 2015):
 LET her go, you are wasting your time on this one.
The fact that she pulled away from you after a lovely Valentine's Day and cuddles, means she isn't INTO you. Maybe the other dude couldn't make it for V-day so she went with you.
Sorry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2015): She has ALREADY chosen someone over you, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you straight-out there isn't a chance. She played you along (or pacified you) by spending Valentine's Day with you. Apparently the one she's with didn't make any plans for her. The cuddling and all that was merely to compensate for what he neglected to do for her. If you're not the first choice in a woman's heart; she will leave you that much easier. The second-choice is usually the one she settled for. Bear this in mind.
Never place your heart on hold waiting for someone who is with someone else. She shouldn't have to choose, and you shouldn't be placing her in that position. If she was already your girlfriend; how would you feel if you found out she was seeing someone behind your back? Some guy was doing all he could to woo and take her from you?
Is it worth your time? As if you don't already know the answer to that question.
You're a full-grown man. You're over thirty. You should have enough experience under your belt to know that you pass-up what doesn't willingly come to you; and you don't take what isn't yours to take. The last thing you want to waste time on is waiting; especially for someone afraid of commitment. The fear of commitment comes from immaturity. Love is a risk, and only the courageous and giving truly deserve it.
Start detaching your feelings and distract yourself from pining for some other guy's woman. Man-up, and push the self-control button. We want most what is forbidden.
She told you she's seeing someone, so cut the drama. There are too many lovely single and available women looking for someone. While single-available man-boys round around stuck in their adolescence. You sound like a nice-guy with a big heart. You know better than this!
You're wasting your time and energies on someone interested in another guy. Brother, stop torturing yourself.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (28 February 2015):
First of all this girl has been very honest with you and has told you she likes dating many guys and is not ready to commit to one.So in other words she has not met the -ONE- as yet.Right now its going no-where as you are one of many.Now if you want to stay around with her and waste your time .That is your choice,However i wud suggest to meet new girls and see where that goes Rather be a SPECIAL MAN to some girl that wud return your love.Then just a no in a long line of other men.But you have to make that decision. Best wishes NORA B.
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