A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have gained weight in the past 6 years my fiance and I have been together..lately when he gets angry he calls me fat or a pig. He even said to me the other day I could be a stripper...at seaworld. Now he says he won't have sex with me until I lose weight and says its my health he's concerned about. When I tell him these things hurt me he will lay off me for a week but if I don't go to the gym he calls me names again and says I'm not trying.what should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): He's being a jerk, but: the reality is that you may now be unattractive to him, such that he cannot get sexually interested in you. It happens. You need to figure out why you are in a relationship with him and whether your aims are really compatible. Just as you many not be able (or willing) to sculpt yourself to match his desires, he may not be able (or willing) to change his desires to match you.My gut feeling is that you should try to lose the weight _and_ look for a nicer guy...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): He doesnt love you for who you are. Hes more interested in what you look like. and if hes saying these hurtful things then it doesnt seem like he cares about your feelings or emotions.
Prove him wrong! get rid of him then loose the excess weight you don't want don't loose the amount that he wants you too loose the amount you feel most comfortable with. Then find somebody new whos not just interested in your body. x
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (10 February 2010):
What's your weight and your height? He's being a jerk but we would also like to know how overweight you are. There is a big difference between wanting to lose 20 lbs and wanting to lose 150 lbs. If you don't want to answer, go to bodybuilding.com and look at the Transformations to see what other women have done for themselves. Either way, he is wrong to speak to you in this way and you should ask yourself why you are with him. You cannot be committed to a program unless you want to do it only for yourself. All the best.
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A
female
reader, billy bilou  +, writes (10 February 2010):
 No he's not concerned about your health but about his lust. He does not desire you as before when you have put on weight. You should make every effort to lose weight even if I know it's hard but where there is the will there is a way. You will have more confidence in yourself as you will love your body and yourslef more and then dump this guy. Thank him for prompting you to lose weight and then dump him because of the way he treated you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): You need to do do things.
Get rid of your boyfriend, he is a complete jerk. I hardly imagine he is peak of physical perfection.
Lose the weight. Unless you have health issues, mental or physical, there is no excuse for putting on a lot of weight. It is just a combination of laziness, greediness and lack of will power. It's not for your boyf to have a go at you about this, but really, you should realise it for yourself, especially if it is affecting your health. Why do you want to be overweight anyway? You should be losing the weight for yourself, not just because some idiot makes stupid jokes. Maybe he didn't know how else to approach the issue if you weren't doing anything about it.
I'm afraid you can't force him to have sex with you if he doesn't find you attractive anymore. Love and lust are two different things. I suspect you kow he is right but you are also right by saying he has been very hurtful. Get rid of him and the weight, I think that's the only way you're going to get out of this situation. Either that or lose the weight and then dump him when he can see how good you can look.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (10 February 2010):
I'd start by loosing 100 to 150 pounds of asshole- DUMP this jerk and then start working on yourself. The best revenge is to get on with your life, learn to take care of yourself, gain confidence (MUCH easier when someone's NOT screaming at you)- working out is not the answer as much as learning how and when to eat. Exercise is wonderful, but diet is the only way (I hate that fact too!).
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