A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 28 and my boyfriend is 49. He told me something yesterday that has really upset me. I don't even know why he told me ( maybe it was because he was drunk when he told me ). He said that he and his ex wife conceived their son in a toilet cubicle in a nightclub ! . Personally, i think it's disgusting to have sex in any public place, especially in a toilet cubicle !. His ex wife was 19 at the time ,and my boyfriend was 22. So, you know that his son is just a bit younger than i am ( i don't mind about that though ) . I know some young people do stupid things though. I have been with him for just over a year,and i have only just found out about that !. I'm really hurt, as i'm not that kind of person, and i didn't think he was like that. is there any point in me worrying about it though, as it was a long time ago, and he is with me now ?.Is it a reason for me to leave him ?. He has never asked me to do anything like that. He treats me very well actually. I actually lost my virginity to him . He does tend to be too open with me sometimes. I know it's good to be open, but i think that was taking it too far.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2012): To the last female who posted, i am glad i waited to have sex with someone that i am in love with, and who loves me. It doesn't matter to me that he is 21 years older than i am, and that i was 27 when i lost my virginity.
Thanks for your replies everyone. They have really helped a lot. I don't feel upset about it now, and i'm still with my boyfriend .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2012): Don't worry, toilets were way cleaner 26 years ago than they are now. I am more concerned you lost your virginity to a man 21 years older than you. Still a virgin at 27? I would say you have more issues about sex than simply the location ....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2012): Lots of young people do stupid things . . . and lots of other young people don't ever do them.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (24 December 2012):
Don’t worry about it. It was 26 years ago. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone does something they shouldn’t. He’s not the same person now as a 49 year-old mature man who has experienced a marriage break-up and brought a child up, as he was when a care-free 22 year-old. You’re probably upset about this in part because you lost your virginity to him. It was so special to you that it gets to you to think that he had a dismally unromantic moment in a toilet. But you must have known he’d had a sexual past given that he’d been married and had a son. But don’t think that just because he’d had past experiences, your first time together wasn’t equally special and important to him. Focus on who he is now not what he did or didn’t do years ago. Perhaps he’s told you a bit too much detail than you really needed to hear but if he loved and cared for you before you found this out now, he still does. You need to move on from this. IF you find it disgusting then that’s fair enough, but it doesn’t say anything about the person he is now. Judge him on the man he is now and if he makes you happy don’t let the fact that he’s got a past spoil things.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 December 2012):
 You are overacting.. They were young, drunk, dumb and horny.. so they had sex in a bathroom..
I worked at a nightclub for 4 years... I can tell you those stalls saw more sex them anywhere else.
Personally, I don't find it very sexy or romantic to rut in a bathroom stall, but "young" horny people are known to do it where ever they can.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 December 2012):
 I too think you are over reacting.
He was with his long term gf, who later became his wife...
Personally I don't see a big issue with it... some folks in their youth would have sex anywhere.
He's close to my age... we were very adventurous back then...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 December 2012):
 Oh there's lots of people having sex in clubs bathrooms, and , although for myself I have always preferred more romantic and comfortable settings , ... kids get conceived on the back seat of a car, on the basement stairs, in unattended building sites , in barns and cattle sheds, under a bush in a public park... in the most unlikely and undignified circumstances you can think of.
They were young, they were drunk, they got a bit carried away, - it really does not sound to me like something you should dump a good man for. Unless he wants YOU to have sex in a toilet .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2012): I think that is what's known as an `over share`. Sometimes there are things that you really dont want to know about because it leaves a mental image that you just dont want in your head! So im sorry he told you about it but it is just one of those things i am afraid.I guess you like to think that something as pure and innocent as a baby is conceived out of love in a romantic setting not an animal lust hook up in a public toilet. But the stark truth is many babies are conceived that way or worse. It might have shattered a few romantic illusions you had about him but you have to remember it was a long time ago, your partner was a much younger man, his ex wife a willing participant and they were probably both very drunk at the time.If he treats you with love and respect and would never behave that way with you, then there is no reason to break up with him. For now, either ask him to use a filter when he is talking about things OR let him to talk freely. That way you will be able to build up a picture of his past and what he is really like. Then you can decide if he is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with or not. I would chose the latter because you have only known him for 12 months and it is easy to make a fantastic initial impression! Now that is starting to wear thin, you will find out a lot more about him if you keep quiet and let him talk. So i would not overreact to this. I would let it go and see what happens next, hopefully he will not say anything else that you disapprove of and you will decide that this one revelation is not a biggy in the grand scheme of things. All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2012): I just want to say that she was his girlfriend at that time. They got married later. They had been seeing each other for a few years by then.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (24 December 2012):
 What "kind" of person is it exactly who has sex in a toilet stall? It's just being a little adventurous/drunk. They were married, not some random drunken hook up! I hate to use this word, ever, but I think you're being a little prude here. He's not asking you to do this and it's not some kind of regular thing, he and his wife got a little carried away at a nightclub. That's all. His wife, not some random woman.
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