A
female
age
36-40,
*iley
writes:i broke up with my ex 1yr ago.it hurts me a lot.I was terribly looking for a support at that time.then suddenly I met a guy.He was not committed with me. but when I met this guy for the 1st time he liked me and want to proceed. But also told me that if we get the better options we would move on.He kissed me on my 1st date. but after that when I said him to marry me he refused. He said sorry to me and also said that his family would not accept me. I accept the fact and said him best of luck for his future. after that we are out of contact for 1weeks.My question is what should be my next move? will he call me again?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (24 November 2010):
Hi there. When you said about the guy whose family wouldn't accept you, you are now talking about the new guy, aren't you?
In other words, it's completely over with the first guy, there's no more contact with him?
Assuming this is the case, the new guy sounds like he doesn't know what he really wants. Yes, he kissed you on the first date, but that's ok.
I don't like the fact that he said - "If we get better options, we should take them". It just sounds like both of you seeing each other, was just killing time and nothing more - to him at least.
What is possible, is that the minute you mentioned marriage, it scared the heck out of him. It seems that at that point, it took a downhill slide.
Perhaps he felt that you leaned on him a bit too much, and wanted to get into another serious relationship as soon as possible. That puts a lot of pressure on men, and some men can't take that type of pressure, because they feel a need to please and that we have very high expectations of them to act a certain way - to make us happy.
I don't know that there is anything you can do about this decision of his.
One thing you shouldn't do is, DON'T try to call him or text him to say hi, or ask what's wrong. That would be a really bad move, and would make you appear as needy and desperate. It could then push him even further away.
So the short answer to your last question - what is my next move - is to simply do nothing, and just wait and see if he contacts you again.
You have said it's already been 1 week, so give him another 2-3 weeks, and if you hear nothing from him in that time, the only thing you can do is to accept that it is probably over, and then it's time for you to move on with your own life and be happy.
You can only wait so long for something to happen (if it's going to), then there comes a point where a gut feeling tells you that that's it. Then you have to accept the fact.
It probably upsets you a bit I'm sure, and it will, but know that you deserve the best in life, and that things will get better in time.
As one door closes, another door opens.
Refuse ever to be taken for granted or mistreated by anyone. Accept only the best from life, and nothing less.
One final note is, it's never a good idea to try to get into another relationship too soon after a breakup. It's like something to fill the gap, and rebound relationships very rarely go well.
It's actually better to be on your own for a little while immediately after a breakup, and get to know yourself again and find out what you want and don't want in relationships in the future. You do need that time to go over things in your own mind, and of course to get over it emotionally and to grieve a bit.
After the grieving process, which could take a couple of weeks (in short relationships), then start going out with your friends again, and having fun. It helps in the life rebuilding process. You need to gain confidence in yourself again and to start feeling good about yourself.
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