A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 39 year old woman and a single mum. Not found a relationship that makes me happy and have become dependant on porn, but I feel sick with myself and this is the only place I feel I can share it without being judged. Problem is that when I surf the net for porn I feel confronted by all the nasty images that accompany a site, a lot of which looks to be underage girls and I try to flash past that to find something more adult. After I come I feel so dirty and ashamed. Also because on the net I can find my fantasy which is to have sex with more than one man at a time, which is something in reality I would never do as I feel I couldn't live with myself, but its something that turns me on greatly and I have fanstasied about this whilst having sex in the past. Even that makes me feel guilty and ashamed.Is there something wrong with me for feeling like this? How can I stop this habit or deal with it with a different persepective? Is there anyone out there that can offer me some comfort or support?I've always loved sex and it's hard not having a partner to build a good sex life with. I'm just left with all these hormones!!Thanks
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (23 November 2010):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/stepfather-vs-daughter-with-mother-caught-in-the.html
Read her story for the alternative to masturbation.
Her daughter would be far better off is her mother just used porn instead of marrying a guy who already screwed up three kids because she is horny.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Thanks everyone. It does make me feel a lot better. And yes, it has been in my nature to be dependant on men. Also my history is mostly with controlling men, with one exception, the love of my life, but I stuffed that one up!
I have had 2 boyfriends since the birth of my child. One was mostly just sex and so I felt I needed to end it, as the time my child did see him I could see how fond she was of him. It was great sex so it was hard to stop.
The other has been for 6 months but I did end it because he was just far too controlling and wanting to be daddy straight away and critisising me in general, lowering my self esteem. Basically a man who deep down wanted to fill a void because he never became a dad and so I felt he just wanted a ' ready made' family, without putting the time in to build something with me as a woman.
I do worry about the porn though. All the free sites also contain a lot of hardcore and I always have to flick through a lot of images to find one that looks more clean. It makes me feel like even though I'm not going to open the other videos that I am still contributing to their existence by even being on the site and the idea of that makes me feel sick. I know there are really illegal things on there, non-consenting things. Its such a messed up world.
OK, fair enough, I have deep fantasies and some of them are quite dirty, but I'm only turned on in my mind by the idea of them involving fully adult and consenting people.
Some videos actually become nasty towards the end and then I switch off and feel really ill and disturbed by my own existence. This is bad. I also fear about the leaglity of watching porn. What if I was arrested?! What are the laws. I'm never quite sure.
Well, any more feedback or advice is greatly appreciated.
Thankyou everyone. This site is great when you're in an hour of need and I salute the person that started it!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (22 November 2010):
Okay. Lets change your dependency. Don't want a porn dependency, then get a man dependency. There are plenty of men looking for a woman completely dependent on them so they can control them.
Ah, not really an option is it, you just got to read this forum to see all the bad examples of women who should be a bit less dependent on males.
Isn't masturbation a better alternative then a bad relationship entered into out of desperation? Sure, a loving relationship would be better but you can't force one to happen.
Be practical. Feel bad still? Probably because women ain't supposed to have sexual desires and most certainly not satisfy them themselves. But why? Who wrote these unwritten laws? Men. Why? Because a woman who is not dependent on a man is scary.
As for specific fantasies, they are fantasies. There is a reason we do not, yet, have thought crime.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 There is nothing wrong with you or how you're feeling. I think you need to focus on the fantasy of what you're watching instead of the reality of what the actors are doing. I fantasize about things I would never do in real life. That's part of the joy of fantasy, it doesn't hurt anyone.
The suggestion of erotica is a good one. You can also search out specific things based on what you're in the mood for. That way you'll hopefully avoid some of the stuff you don't like.
Personally, I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing. Like BrownWolf said, it's much safer than having random sex.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 The issue of porn: quite controversial but nothing really new to the world. Sexuality can be quite beautiful...with that being said, it can also be made into something ugly. But, you're not hurting anyone. This is just a fantasy you have which you'd never act out in real life. Even if you did enact it, it's no one's bussiness but your own and if you were safe about it, it's not a "criminal" act. There's nothing wrong with you. To stop this porn habit, you can find "safer" substitutes. Erotica books by authors like Louisa Burton can capture your imagination and stimulate your sexuality without the guilt...if you truly want to quit, cold turkey rarely works. Instead, be gradual about it-find a hobby that gives you that rush..a sexy dance class, yoga to release sexual energy etc. Is there a reason you don't date to try and find that special partner?
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (22 November 2010):
Do not feel bad about watching porn...I do it for the same reasons as you. I would rather watch porn safe at my home, than be out there chasing women, and sleeping with them just because. I have a very high sex drive too, so porn helps to take the edge off.
I refuse to pay for sex, beg, or play games with a woman's feelings just to get it.
So, as a single mom you know you have to do what is need to get by for you and your child...this is just one of those things :) Better to be safe at home watching porn that to have other names used to discribe you,other than what your parents gave you...if you know what I mean.
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