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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I have a problem with my boyfriend. We have been friends since we were 11 and best friends for about 4 years and 10 months we started going out. It has been amazing and I love him so much...until he told me that while he gets his uni degree overseas he wants to sleep with other women and then come home to marry me. I have been so upset ever since and I can't get over what he has said. Since then he has said he's sorry, that he would never want to hurt me and that he wants to be with me. He's tried to take it back. But I feel so hurt and I don't know what to think anymore. I love him but I don't want to be hurt by him, it would be too much. Any advice guys? Thanks:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all,
I have just read everyone's responses so thanks heaps for writing:) Just to clear up a few things...this one made me laugh (I obviously did not write this well at all!) but we're both 21 and have not been discussing marriage since we were 11! ;) That's just crazy. hehe.
Another thing, we're both at uni (last year of undergraduate degrees) and he was talking about postgraduate work.
And we have both dated people before, I had a long term relationship prior to him. It was a pretty awful time, it was a cultural thing that didn't work out, but I learnt so much from it. And I guess I appreciate him after that experience, but unfortunately he has not had the same thing.
Abacadaba I totally understand what you are saying but he didn't want say that while we are together he wants to sleep around a bit. I guess it comes down to experience or lack of it as the case may be.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): Yes, you've got a problem alright!
You've neither one of you, by the sound of it, really dated others. That's important (not necessarily to sleep with them), but to see who else is "out there" before settling on this man.
He is not ready to commit to you - and that's appropriate. Both of you have some living to do before you can decide you want each other! He probably does not want to hurt you, true, but he can't go back now on what he said.
Best thing to do is to let him go and think about dating other men yourself! Sorry! Good luck.
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (2 October 2006):
 I have to say (and I shock myself with this) but I think he was in some ways right (even if he probably didn't handle it very well). First love is all new and so no-one's going to know what to do. I think 11 is very young (too young) to meet someone and grow up to marry them. Regardless of how sweet that notion is, you've actually only been dating for 10 months. From the info given, I am assuming you're only 16 now? That's too young to be talking of marriage. Adolesence is all about growing and change; a voyage of discovery. If he's thinking of going overseas to study, you're not going to be able to maintain a proper relationship and at that young age I wouldn't advise it. You should both be going out, having fun, meeting new people, having new experiences and living life to the full. After study, who knows, you could get back together and everything will be fine. There'd probably be more chance of your relationship lasting the distance if you've been able to do your own thing. Hey, I may be wrong and you may live happy ever after, but sadly I doubt it. Maybe wait and see how the next couple of years go. I'm sorry this may sound like I'm an old fart, but at your tender age, life is going to throw a lot of confusion and uncertainties your way. It may not seem like it now, but whatever happens, you'll be ok.
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male
reader, Abacadaba +, writes (2 October 2006):
 to be honest, if a girl said that to me, i would dump her like a ton of bricks, LOADS of people have to go through a patch of long distance stuff, and do they say 'can i sleep with other people?' no. if he cant even be faithful while hes at uni whats stopping him from doing it when you get married? if i was you i would dump him, might hurt but whats better, being upset because you broke up with him or sitting there thinking 'wonder how many women he slept with this week'. its the harsh truth love, theres alot of honest decent men out there, obviously he isnt one of them.
i guess you could try and persuade him not to, but guessing by the fact he even asked you to, hes likely to do it anyway. Good luck with what happens.
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