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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi guys,I would love some advice to help me deal with these awful feelings I have. Be warned - I will sound pathetic. My boyfriend is great. However, I dread him commenting on other women - which in fairness, he doesnt tend to do, except for celebrities. He mentioned on the phone last night that his best friend had just texted him to tell him to watch channel 4 - Girls Aloud ( very sexy British girl band, for American readers) were performing. I laughed and said they should grow up ( both he and his mate are nearly thirty years old) and he answered that in fairness, they were RIDICULOUSLY hot, incredibly sexy, etc. I got pissed off, we ended up having a row, I end up looking like an insecure freak.Please, anyone, what can I tell myself to stop getting annoyed and insecure about a comment like this?? It makes me feel awful and I dont know why. I really want to be the kind of girl who takes comments like this in her stride? Perhaps a man reading this can help? Thanks so much to anyone who can help with this very silly problem.xxxxx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): First, the situation: I checked youtube and didnt find them 'RIDICULOUSLY hot', but it is possible that they, or someone else are. You think that your bf should be exempt from a biological reaction? He didnt meet these girls and he is not likely to. He didnt do anything with them that violated your relationship. Your attitude in having a 'row' is telling him not to share his emotions and that it is better to keep things from you. Is that really what you want? Its a big world out there- there are girls that are hotter than you. Its going to happen. If you are counting on keeping him my trying to argue him into thinking that they are not factually sexy- thats really not going to work.This is mostly your issue; yeah he needs to keep it contained so he isnt completely slobbering in front of you. But you need to convince yourself that you have more to offer than just being the only 'hot' girl he has run across and as soon as he see someone else he'll be off with them. Eventually this gets very very old.Oh and whats the with the "both he and his mate are nearly thirty years old)"- that means they are in their late 20's. I get the feeling that you might be trying to force him into a different role than the one he sees himself in.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): What you have to remember is do you find any celebrities attractive.Your B/F was only passing judgement on Girls Aloud yes they are hot when they are in front of the camera as they have a team of stylists etc but when they are away from the media they probally are less attractive doing their own day to day thing.I saw a photo of one of them in a mag caught off guard and she looked plain its just fantasy for him he will never get a chance to meet any of them and you have to remember this because he has chosen you to be with.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (2 October 2006):
 I think that the first thing you need to do is stop berating yourself for how you feel. Often with such things there is no right or wrong, or pathetic. Berating yourself isnt helping here and is a form of self-torture which is another symptom of your insecurity. I think the key thing is to say this is an issue, its a real issue and one that needs to be dealt with.
I have to say in my estimation he is not doing anything particularly wrong - its not uncommen for people to find celebraties attractive and it's not as if he is the same with women in the street, something that would be more serious in my eyes. Part of the attractiveness is the fantasy.
I have to ask, does he pay you compliments like this?? If not is it something that you feel is missing? If so then that is something you need to work through together - when you do try and focus on you rather than accusing him of doing anything wrong. Hope that helps. Take care.
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