A
female
age
51-59,
*ayne
writes:I have been with my partner on and off for six years. I am now 37 and he is 48. It has at times been the most fantastic caring loving fun relationship with amazing connection and intensity, yet at other times he has treated me with no respect. Usually when he was thinking about going back to his ex wife. You see she has never given up or let him go even when he was living with me. She has never given up and always dangles the carrot of temptation.... large house, money, exotic holidays, nice cars etc. At times he has given in and gone back only to return because they did not get on and he says they are incompatible and misses me greatly. But.... He has gone again. Only this time she has persuaded him to go to India with her where she has been offered a great job... to start a new exciting life so this feels final now. The reason i am devastated and don't know what to do next is that he has constantly told me that it is me he loves and wants to be with so i dont understand why he has gone again. He says he is sacrificing love and fun and all the good stuff we have and feeling like he was my best friend all for some security as he is nearly 50. Why on earth would he do that? I dont know what to think. Should i cut him off completely even though i love him so much and miss him terribly? I go between crying my heart out to feeling strong then back again.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Spades  +, writes (20 January 2010):
 The best thing I can suggest is moving on. He clearly doesn't know what he wants right now. You deserve to be happy and feel secure in a relationship as does he.
So the only think I can really think of that would help you is moving on with your life. I know it hurts now, just give it time.
A
female
reader, Pineknot  +, writes (20 January 2010):
cut him off and get what you need...realize he isn't it after all. he sounds like a con artist eating cake with both hands to me...you're better than that!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): When someone's actions and words conflict, always believe in the actions, they don't lie.
Get on with your life, by letting go of him you give yourself and opportunity to find love with someone and true happiness. Give yourself that gift, it will happen with someone else. This man is no good and knows these words have a powerful affect on you, so he uses them to keep you hanging on for when it doesn't work out with the girlfriend (she is no longer an ex, you are). He will do this to you again!
The grieving process hurts and takes time, but it does allow you to feel better eventually. The hurt from continuing to hold on to him goes on indefinitely.
Take control of your life and happiness :)
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