A
male
age
41-50,
*joe_23
writes:My 2-1/2 year GF has a best friend who happens to be my friend also. They started hanging out a year ago when i was in far away place.At that same time, his best friend confided to her that he already has feelings for her long before we met with my gf. When i know this i told my gf to stay away from him. But she couldn't. The guy is so close to her and to her family. She is also close to his family.She told me to trust her. I do trust her. But they're so close. They meet often. They have pictures with sweet pose. They have each other's pictures in their wallets.I felt overwhelmingly jealous that i can't hold it any longer. I broke up with her. But with so much love i feel for my gf i regret that i broke up with her. Was it right to end our relationship to free myself from being jealous again?Or i should have continue learning not to be jealous of them and not to resort to break-up?
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (6 June 2007):
 Exactly my point, the fact that she rejected you, twice even, proves that you did the right thing in breaking up with her. Dont get me wrong though, Im not saying that she hasnt got feelings for you at all, just not enough at the moment to get back with you. If she really wanted to be with you, do you think you'll be able to stop her? Thats why I dont feel you've done the wrong thing in breaking up with her first! She's not showing that she really wants to be with you anyway so dont be too hard on yourself breaking up with her.
Your interpretation of her being open minded for the future is a very positive way to see things, but to be honest, she is leaving you on the sidelines because she doesnt want to completely rule you out of the equation, I mean after all, you guys were in a long term relationship before. In other words, she wants her freedom from you, and yet keep you as a backup, in case things dont go well or if she realises shes made a mistake later on.
You did the absolute right thing in leaving her be. Stop calling her, stop talking to her, cut all contact with her, and perhaps she'll realise that life without you is not as good as she thought it would be. Also, give her time to miss your presence. Keep reminding yourself that you did nothing wrong, and that its her loss, not yours.
A
male
reader, djoe_23 +, writes (6 June 2007):
djoe_23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. I attempted to reconcile with her twice but got only rejections. She said not now. That the pain of leaving her is still fresh. She said she's comfortable right now having no commitment. However, she told me that maybe someday if i still love her we can still be together and continue with our plan to marriage. What does she mean by this? Is she just being an open minded of the future? She said we can still be friends but im not sure about that. i cannot act like a friend to her if i still love her this much. i am not communicating wid her anymore in order for me to move on.
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (4 June 2007):
Perhaps not, but is knowing the answer to your question going to change anything? Do you think that if you realised you were wrong now that your ex will take you back with open arms? Whats done is done, pick yourself up and learn from it, whatever you can.
On the other hand, I think breaking up with her was the right thing to do. It seems that the relationship was causing you more pain than anything else. Yeah, you couldve trusted her when she asked you to, and perhaps that was the right thing to do, but ask yourself honestly, could you have lasted that out long enough to keep the relationship going? And how long do you think till you crack up?
Try looking at it this way, if she gets together with the guy after breaking up with you, then you know that you were right all along. Not necessary the most effective way of finding out whether you did the right thing or not, but at least it gives you a sense of comfort that you did the right thing in breaking up with her, and that your intuition was right. In the meantime, I suggest you move on with your life, and learn from it. Being extremely jealous isnt a healthy thing, it breaks up rather than make up.
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