A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I went on a date last Saturday night with a guy I had met a few times before. I was thrilled when he asked me out for a drink as I had liked him for a while.We had a lovely evening. The conversation flowed and we spent hours just chatting until the early hours of the morning. He walked me home and kissed me goodbye and was a complete gentleman.The next day he texted me to thank me for a lovely night and asked if I would like to go out again. I explained I was away for work during the week but that I was free on Friday. He said great and said that he would book a table at a restaurant. He also texted me and told me that he really liked me and that I had a fantastic dry sense of humour that he really enjoyed.Great! Or so I thought. Then NOTHING. He last texted me on Monday night. I texted him Wednesday asking if we were still on for Friday and NO REPLY. It is now Thursday night and still NOTHING.Why would a man say what a great time he had had, tell me he likes me, invites me out on another date and suggests a meal and then VANISH?????I am confused!
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 So you're ot going to have dinner with him after all?
Well, I do think if he had worked two 24-hour shifts one right after the other, it was reasonable that you didn't hear sooner......oh well.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe finally texted back at 10:20pm on Thursday night. He apologised that it had taken so long to get back to me and explained that he had been asleep after working two 24 hour shifts.
The thing is, and I know this is childish, but I sent him a text from another phone 2 hours before he got back to me and he replied straight away!
If I hadn't have done this I would never have known and would have gone out with him. I'm thinking I'll pass on this one!!!
Thanks for your advice all.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (11 March 2011):
Wait a minute!
I think it rather depends on what the arrangements were when he texted to ask if you'd like to meet again. You told him you had to be away for work this week, but Friday would be good.
I know he said he'd book a table, but did you discuss which restaurant, and what time to meet; whether he would call for you or what? If all that was settled then he may well have not felt the need to respond to your Wed. text (though I agree it would have been nice if he had).
If on the other hand, the details were left vague, I can understand why you contacted him Wed. to ask if Friday night dinner was still a "go."
You tell us you had met him around a few times previously, so its not as if he's a complete stranger......
You probably will hear from him tomorrow and its up to you whether you go or not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): Was your first date scheduled by him last minute or the day before? Was he the one to end the date first? Are you doing most of the texting? He may have pegged you for someone too eager or someone he could disappear on and pick up on his schedule.
I would not give him the time of day.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 I won't be surprised if he contacts you tomorrow. If that's the case don't be available to him. You have to let him know that your time is so important that he has to call you in advance. You don't work around his schedule. Some guys don't like to email that much after the first date because he wants to show you he has other options, and that he has many things going on in his life. Or simply he's busy. You are still strangers so contacting only once a week is still normal. It's when you are committed as boyfriend and girlfriend then you can expect to talk to each other daily.
I know how awkward it is to tell someone you don't need to see them anymore. It's expected that will be many people who come and go in your life before you find the right one. For me, when someone vanishes I don't really need an explanation. It's not just the dating world. It's everywhere, like applying for a job, housing, selling products, inviting people to parties, functions, etc. Disappointment is a part of life. You are just going to let yourself down when every time you think that's because it has something to do with you.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (11 March 2011):
 There could be a number of reasons. On the extreme side, he may have lost his phone, had an accident or be involved in some catastrophic family disaster. On the less extreme side, he may have another woman on the go and perhaps she found out about you...or maybe some other girl has caught his eye in the week...or he changed his mind and is too much of a cowardly custard to deal with it. If this was past the first dates stage I would say ring him up and find out. However, to save face there is nothing you can do at the moment without seeming desperate for his attention. If he does get back in touch later on, don't be too enthusiastic with him unless there is some decent reason for his non-reply. It takes 2 mins to answer someone and even if he doesn't want a date anymore he should tell you. If he cannot be bothered to say, he would make a terrible boyfriend. Don't be too disappointed, it happens to lots of people. I really like someone years back and we did a couple of good dates, then he disappeared. I didn't chase him but he did get back in touch 'hoping' a year later thinking I would be delighted...probably when he was bored and lonely...I told him to 'bog off' and I suggest you do the same to this one unless he has some outstanding excuse for being rude.
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