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female
,
anonymous
writes: i split up with my ex 3 months ago after being together off and on for 5 years. we had more bad times than good and he did and said some foul things to me. i am so angry with myself though because i still love him and want him back. the good times are what i keep thinking about. why do i feel like this and what do i have to do to stop loving him and wanting him back?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2006): You have a much too forgiving heart for you own good, hun. I think you have a need to be "right about this guy" and you are denying the horrible things he did and said to you. I think you may still be in love with him mostly because...you might be afraid of the alternative and that is being unloved and alone. Many of us fear that. It sounds like your bf's brand of love came at a high price to you and that was your self-esteem. Many women are stunned when they realize how much they give up, to love a man. I don't call this love..I call it "worship", meaning the inappropriate centering of your whole being on this one guy who treated you like crap. It is time you to stop worshiping this man and begin building yourself a new life, one with a future., one where you can meet someone and not lose yourself or your self-respect. It'll be hard to go "cold turkey" from this guy because many of us women are not built to easily jump and flit from relationship to relationship. You gave this guy your intimate self, your heart. You have to ask yourself...keep loving this man, what are you compromising? No woman deserves to be treated badly, dear. Your reasons for wanting to stay with this potentially abusive guy are probably different from many women but they share a common root...fear. Fear that if you stop loving this guy, you will never be loved again. You must take a stand for yourself and not lose sight of how valuable you really are.
Whatever you do, in the future in any relationships, set boundaries of what is right and wrong and don't accept anything less. These are just my thoughts..I may not be right but if it helps in any way..just take what you need from what I said and apply it to your own perspectives and attitudes. Good luck and Take Care
Hugs, Irish
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2006): I have the same problem if you find a solution let me know please. It is horrible to feel that way...Sorry I can not help you as I am seeking answers for the same things..:(
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