A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My question is whether to give up on this relationship. I have been with my boyriend for a year and a half. We are in our late thirties, both divorced, I have kids. We seem to have a great relationship, fun, passion, affection. We have been on holiday twice , once on our own and once with the kids, both went very well and we are planning our next holidays. As you'd expect we always get much closer after spending quality time together- due to the distance we live apart and busy schedules- we usually only get to spend alternate weekends together and odd days here and there. But we talk everday and message each other. However I have noticed a pattern -when after we have spent alot of time together and got really close he distances himself again for a while ( texts become less frequet and seem like 'duty' texts instead of the lovely mesages he most often sends. He then goes back to normal after a short while, but weve lost that closeness, this then gradually builds up again until the same thing happens again. I know all about men being rubbber bands ( Mars and venus) but he has never said he loves me and its really difficult not to lose faith in the fact of whether he's getting there.I dont like to push him into a corner but have brought this up in the past - about the lack of i love you, his first response after 6 months of dating- was that he was hurt before and needed time- fair enough, maybe a bit soon. 6 months later he reassured me that he loved our relationship and being with me and that all was good, but admitted that it wasnt fair on me if he wasnt wanting the same thing as me and he would think about things. I have left this with him since end of June and not brought it up again, believing him to be decent enough to break it off if he wasnt heading in the right direction. He does seem thoroughly decent and says other very lovely and affectionate things and is very tactile and loving. We had the most wonderful holiday followed by xmas together, really thought he was over his fears only for him to cool off once we were apart again- only subtley but I can sense it all the same. Unsure whether to point out this pattern to him and how it upsets me and that after a year and half he should know how he feels?? Or should I give it more time, accept we'll get close again ( hopefully) and continue to wait- how long is fair to both of us??
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