A
female
age
36-40,
*ettibunnii
writes:So I completly messed up my relationship. When we fell on hard times over a year ago I told my not so best friend that my boyfriend was a cross dresser. Honestly I am pretty inky I like it. Well she tossed it in his face cats out of the bag now and he told me I betrayed him and ruined his life. Now I feel really bad. I love him. I am the first person hes told and I honestly didnt see such a big deal. Not clearly it really means something different to him that I did not understand. I broke t ff when e dubbed me a liar and told me I ruined his life etc. I always tell him CD is a way of life. I embrace it. I enjoy being with him regardless. I broke a trust barrier telling someone I know. But I only referred to it as cosplay. Can I fix this? I apologized. He just wont talk to me.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (21 April 2013):
Dear OP,
In our society, men that dress up as women are being ridiculed and made fun of. So it's obvious this is no bedroom story that a guy is proud of and wants his girlfriend to tell others. It's probably just as hurtful as if you've told your not-so-best-friend that he has got a really small penis or erectile dysfunction.
No matter if you embrace it, he still knows it's publicly embarrassing. Most people don't get cross dressing and obviously, that "friend" of yours doesn't either.
However, we all make mistakes and I made a similar mistake before in my life that I regret. Just keep apologizing, promise to never do that again (and keep the promise). Don't tell him he should be out and that he shouldn't feel so bad about it.. it will only give him the feeling that you don't take this seriously.
I hope he can forgive you and that you both find your way back together.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 April 2013):
 "When we fell on hard times..."
That's the true test of whether or not you can keep a confidence. If your friend tells you a secret about their life, and later on the down the road, you fall out of friendship with that person and they become your enemy, do you still honor the confidence, or do you go tell everyone because you don't care about that person??
That's just it. A secret is a secret, no matter what. You made a huge, potentially fatal mistake in betraying his trust. Falling on hard times is no excuse whatsoever for doing that. His being a CD is HIS to reveal, not yours. Just because you don't see it as a big deal is irrelevant.
The decision is his. You can keep apologizing, or take steps to try and regain his trust, but the damage is done. This is one heartbreaking lesson you must never forget for the future. You can't unscramble the egg.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 April 2013):
 You are faced with that dilemma of how to "unring" a bell...
Once you've exposed this detail of your man's life... then you (and he) have to live with the fallout from its revelation.....
HOWEVER.... being a C/D is NOT fatal!!!! ... and, if you and he choose to continue the friendship/relationship that you had before..... what DIFFERENCE does it make that "others" are made aware of this detail of his life????
Would you have the same intensity of problem if - for example - you told "others" that he liked to tie you up? (... AND that you kind of liked THAT????). Of course not...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (20 April 2013):
 You apologize again and again, you grovel, you give him the space that he needs etc. Honestly, I don't think you can fix this. You were the first and only person he's told and that is a HUGE secret. I'm sure that it's a secret that he could be incredibly embarrassed by if it gets out. Humiliated, even. That you would go and reveal such an intimate thing about him, you completely shattered his trust and moreso than that - you have given him a deep fear about what is going to happen next. How many of his friends will find out? Will he have to answer a bunch of questions? Will people make fun of him? Will they talk behind his back? I'm sure that he really does feel like his life is ruined. People now know something that he may have never wanted them to find out.
This was a major betrayal on your part. I understand that knowing something that major can just torture you, because you really want to tell somebody, but still. It is no wonder that he doesn't want to talk to you. I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation. It sucks, and I do really feel bad for you. But, I completely understand why he is irate and doesn't want to talk to you right now. Good luck, sweet!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2013): You've done what you can by apologising, but he has every right not to talk to you ever again. He revealed something personal and sensitive and you told someone. People keep secrets for a reason, and if someone tells you a secret then it is your responsibility to keep that secret for them. You didn't and he can't trust you.
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