A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Do you think this guy is shy, or not interested? He gave me his number, and he always replies to me when i send him a message. But he hasn't asked me to meet up with him, and the times when we were supposed to meet up, he said he didn't have a lot of money so he couldn't make it. And once, he said, his friend canceled ( he was supposed to be meeting me and his friend in town ), so again, he said he couldn't make it. He has also poked me on facebook ( he poked me first ), and i noticed today that he is also on myspace, but he hasn't been on there for a long time. I read his "about me" section, and one thing he wrote was that he is quite shy when he first meets people, but seems to be more confident once he knows a person well. I am like that too. He has two kids by two different women too ( his oldest child is 12, and his youngest child is 2 ). He doesn't really make much conversation with me in texts or on facebook. I wish he would meet up with me, but i don't really want to ask him in case i get rejected. What should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): No i havent said anything to him yet.
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (21 July 2011):
 have you told him yet that you are not with that boyfriend anymore?x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): Hi. I haven't replied to his last message yet. Yes, all our communication is done online and in text messages. I would like to speak to him properly on the phone, but i think i would be nervous, especially as i'm not really sure what he thinks of me . I was thinking that as well, that it might be hard for him to tell how i feel about him too. I feel like telling him that he should have let me know that he was out last week, as i would have met him anyway, even though it would have only been for a short while. at least he will know i am interested if i say that. And yes, it has been me who has been doing all the asking.i guess if i suggest us meeting for a drink,or even just coffee or lunch, and then say" let me now if you fancy it ",it wont really be like i have asked him directly, and it leaves the ball in his court. I tnk this should be my last attempt at asking him about meeting though.
I know,after readng his myspace page, that he met his ex, who he had the two year old daughter with, online. He had just added her on there, and hadn't met her in person.She was new in town ( i saw some comments that the posted to each other ), and she didn't have many friends at first . I was thinking, if he could get interested in and end up with somene online, i don't see why he can't with someone he has met in person.They must have had a lot of conversation online first though, and then met up later, so i'm not sure if he prefers to chat a lot online with people he doesn't know first, and then meet up ?. Of course, it depends if he interested in me though too.
He left a strange status on his facebook last night ( well, i thought it was, but he might have thought it was funny ). He put " i've learned that pleasing everyone is hard, but p*****g everyone off is a piece of cake ". Not sure what that was about. Some of his friends commented on it, and we having a laugh with him. One girl said " i've stil not seen your ugly mush , get yourself round here ". He told her that it was his birthday on Saturday, and that he has his son this weekend, but said he would call round to her house one day to have some drinks.So, she had suggested meeting, and he said yes to her.I'm assuing she is fird of his, and i know they go to the same university,so they wil have known each other for a while. If he is going i think it will be today or tomorrow, as she said she was off work for a few weeks, but was going to be on holiday next week. He sometimes does write strange comments to his friends.Sometimes, he calls people " muppet " and they call him " plant pot ". I'd like to think of ways that could have a laugh with him, or be flirty with him, but it's hard because don't know him that well. If i could say something in a funny, flirty and casual way,it might work.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (21 July 2011):
just ask him, can i ask is all your communication done online and in text messages? if so it is hard to get a proper 'feel' of is he interested or not. and vice versa for him i imagine. just be straight with him. it seems like you are the one doing all the asking, am i right? it would be nice if he would ask you. maybe you could arrange a night out with a group of you and ask him does he want to come along or at least meet up with you all, then take it from there. you need to know one way or another if he is into you or not, at the moment it is hard to tell, but he certainly isn't going out of his way to see you
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): I sent the message to him,in those exact words.he said he isnt doing anything as his son is staying with him this weekend (he stays with him every other weekend ).it's his birthday on saturday.he also said that he was out last thursday and said he would have phoned me but he was only out for 2 hours.and he asked how i was.i think its good that he has asked how i am,as it shows he is making conversation.can you help me think of a way that i can suggest meeting him another time (say,as a late birthday treat for him ) and suggest a way i can tell him that i wouldnt mind how long we met up for as it would be nice to see him anyway ?
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (19 July 2011):
" hi, how are you ?. i've noticed it's your birthday this week. are you doing anything nice for it ?"
that is PERFECT, don't say it any different than that! :)
to him it will probably be a good sign that you have noticed when his birthday is, it will show him that you have bothered to look and that you are interested in him
good luck!
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): Thanks again for your reply, angeldlite. We met in a bar, so he had been drinking when i met him, so i'm not sure if he was more confident/flirty because he had had a drink, or not. He kept staring and smiling at me whenever he walked past my table, before we started talking. I know that some girls used to comment on his photos on facebook saying that they thought he was attractive a long time ago, but i haven't seen any recent comments from girls saying things like that. It does worry me that he is so attractive and that other girls may be interested in him, but i can't say i blame them for liking him lol !.Do you think i should just say something like " hi, how are you ?. i've noticed it's your birthday this week. are you doing anything nice for it ? " . or should i word it a bit differently ?. he might wonder how i know its his birthday, but it does mention his date of birth on his page, and i get notifications on my homepage on facebook when people have birthdays, so i'm assuming he'll know that i know about it that way .how do you think i should ask him about doing something with me if he doesn't have anything planned ?.i will try to casually mention that i'm not with the other guy somehow too.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (19 July 2011):
ah well this shows things in a different light, (although he doesn't seem shy coz when you first met he was flirty with you) yep, maybe he does think you're still seeing the other guy. if he is a very good looking man, he may have a few women that he texts and that show him interest, so maybe this could be why he doesn't pay you much attention (what i mean is if he was unattractive and you were the only girl that was showing him interest i am sure he would a lot more grateful and be a lot more attentive than he is being (sounds awful that doesn't it, but you know what i mean i'm sure!)
definitely ask him what he is doing for his birthday, its just a question is is not directly asking him out so you don't have to feel embarrassed or nervous BUT if it turns out he is not doing anything it could be a way to bring the conversation around to maybe doing something with you! (if not on his birthday then another time) and make sure you 'mention casually' at some point that you are not with your boyfriend anymore! it is very important that you do that, i hope it helps
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): Another thing i wanted to add is that i think if he wasn't that interested, he shouldn't have replied to me in the first place when i first texted him after i got his number.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): Thanks for your reply, angeldlite. Yes, he is very good looking, and it seems like he has a good sense of humour. I noticed that last week , the woman he had the two year old child with thanked him for going over to see their daughter, and said it was good to see him, and he replied saying he enjoyed seeing both of them too. i'm not sure if they will ever get back together or not, but they might just be on friendly terms. the mother of his oldest child is also on his friends list on facebook.
You could be right about him not wanting to get too involved with anyone, or, maybe he just isn't interested in me. When we first met, he told my friends that he thought i was beautiful, and he kissed my hand lol, and he said " i wish i was him ", about this guy who he thought i was still dating ( he had seen me out with him, but we have stopped seeing each other now ), and he gave me a quick kiss on the lips as he left lol. That's another thing though, maybe he thinks i am still seeing the other guy ?. I'm not sure. Or maybe he just isn't sure if i m attracted to him, and maybe he thinks i am just being friendly towards him ?. Even if that's true though, like you said, he isn't even trying to form a friendship with me. I'm not really sure what to do. I don't really want to keep chasing him. From what he said when we first met, and from him replying to my texts and poking me on facebook, he seems interested, but on the other hand, he doesn't seem interested as he isn't arranging to meet up. It's his birthday this week, and i'm tempted to ask him if he is doing anything for it, but i don't know if i should. I will keep my options open though too.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (19 July 2011):
that's fair enough that he wants to take things slow and be a friend before getting into an Rship. but from what you tell me he does not seem interested in forming even a friendship with you.
maybe he does not want a relationship with anyone, he has had two failed ones where there are now children, and maybe this has put him off getting too involved with anyone again. or maybe he just doesn't want to be involved with you.
he is not even interested in conversation with you though, i am struggling to see what it is makes you interested in him. is he good looking? he might be really handsome but if he cannot keep you entertained with his personality this will get very boring very quick. i think you should keep your options open, chat to other guys, go on dates etc. don't pin all your hopes on him because it doesn't sound like things will work out with him
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): Its been going on for 6 weeks.we were supposed to meet the week after we first met,but he said his friend cancelled.then we were supposed to meet the week after but he said he didnt have much money,and said the same thing last time,which was 3 weeks ago.i know he is at university and he will have to pay towards his 2 kids too.we have sent a few texts over the last few weeks .i have just said how are you and what you up to,and he told me.sometimes he asks how i am,but he doesnt ask what i have been up to,so like i said,its like i am the one who initiates conversation.he sent me a text saying he missed me once too.i'm not sure why.he has just sent another poke on facebook so i'm wondering if i should say something.just to add,he also put in his about me section on myspace that he likes to be friends with a girl first before having a relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): It might still be in the early 'getting to know you' stage, and you've said he is shy, so it is understandable that he might be nervous about meeting up at first. buy how long has this been going on? a couple of weeks or months? because really, if he wanted to meet up with you, and really liked you, he would make an effort. One or two times you can excuse because these things happen, but everytime? really? there is no possible time he can find to see you in real life? he is not acting like he is interested and is stringing you along.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (19 July 2011):
ask him. i know its daunting but its gotta be better than sitting around wondering.
he may be shy and needs a bit of encouragement from you so he might say yes and you've got yourself a date OR he may be simply not interested in you - in which case he'll say no, but so what if he does? at least you'll know and you can move on and always be proud that you had the guts to go for something you wanted.
to be honest though, from what you say the excuse about not having much money, then not wanting to meet coz his friend wouldn't be there, the fact that he is happy to reply to you but cannot initiate a conversation with you in texts or on facebook worries me a bit and like you i am unsure whether he is quiet with you coz he's not interested or is he just very shy. there's only one way to find out...
x
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