A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I can't bear it anymore! I love my BF but he reminds me my father so much that I am afraid that one day I'll find out I live with the person I hated whole my childhood (and moved from him before finishing school) because of unbearable psychological stress. I had been choosing the same type of boys as my BFs and it had never worked. So I decided to change all that and I met another man who was completely different than the others. This relationship was one of my worst-full of tiring scenes because of unimportant things such as the way I look into his wardrobe. I was sad and disgusted and started meeting my previous BFs. We were dating for half a year. Because of my horrible father we moved together to a different city. I knew it won't be easy as we had been both growing in absolutely different families but it wasn't as bad as I had been expecting. BUT we argue nearly every day now! Since he had taken part in local politics and folkloric club he spends a lot of time in his hometown.Apart of that he has many hobbies, various interests and friends in his hometown.Due to that he wants to move back and build a house there. For him it is absolutely unimportant that I don't want to move there as his hometown is next to mine and my father and there are no job opportunities for me. But this is not just the only point of our future that causes problems.The longer we live together, the more characteristic features of my father I can "see" in my BF.He is becoming a bit selfish as he doesn't care about his appearance much and argues with me because of stupidities such as the way I do the shopping(I buy mainly things in sales as I don't earn much).He always comes with an economical theory of supporting our country economy situation by buying merely expensive things etc. Or for example he teases me very often and it's ok but if I do the same it's a problem, it seems that I have no permission to do the same.I am getting crazy and think of our /my future. I am really afraid that one day we will have a family and he will become a copy of my father and will have no way how to escape this relationship because of the children.So now I am thinking what to do. Should I get along with him and hope for the best? I truly love him as no one else but one day (in 20 years) our love will disappear and what will rest of our relationship?Our faults and my father's copy? I am considering leaving and keeping my head free of our tiring arguments but at the moment I can't imagine my life without him. What would you suggest??? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (1 March 2015):
Im sorry to hear you had such a stressful time with your father-but the main thing is that your aware of it.The flash backs to our past[in this case your father] are the greaest threat to our present and future.First of all would you consider going to a COUNSELLOR for i feel you need help to resolve and heal the situation re your father and untill you are helped on this level and healed maybe you would consider TIME OUT from any relationship.This way you are giving yourself and the man in your life a chance of a worthwhile relationship and a relationship that has a good chance of working.Most people have problems in their pastBut the KEY is to get them resolved.Kind wishes .NORA B,
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