A
female
age
30-35,
*inybubble
writes:I have been in love with this guy friend for three years now. He knows about my feelings because I confessed a few months before our college graduation. Unfortunately, he doesn't love me back and only loves me as a friend. We didn't talk for a year after college. I removed him from Facebook because the rejection was too much to handle for me. I tried to reconnect with him after 1 year of no contact. I called him one night and we talked for hours. We met up that summer. At that time, I still had strong feelings for him so I couldn't avoid having high hopes that he would finally change his mind. But again, I got rejected. So again, I removed him from facebook and cut all communication. It's been almost two years now since we last saw each other. I've tried everything, and i mean, everything to move on. I tried so many new hobbies. I got busy in medical school. I tried looking for someone new. But no matter what I do, I still miss him a lot and still love him. He was my first love.I've been thinking lately if should try to be friends with him again. But this time, we'd just really be friends. Maybe this is what I need to finally have peace of mind. I just miss his company a lot. We have so much in common and we really make such great friends that I think it would be sad to just throw our friendship away. I think that this time, I can handle my feelings better. I will no longer hope that he'd change his mind.I was thinking of maybe calling him on his birthday, catch up... Then, I'd ask him if we could be friends again, that if we could just forget the past and start anew. This time, I will no longer try to cross the line. We'd just be legit friends. What do you think? Is this an absurd idea? Am I making a fool out of myself? Do you think I'll just be bothering him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2015): You need his approval and validation. He has become a challenge, and you can't move on; because you need to somehow convince him he should care more for you.
You have to convince yourself that this guy doesn't deserve the time or feelings you have invested. Stop using the sorry excuse you only want to be "friends." You can't stand not having his "acceptance." There's a sad song called: "I can't make you love me" By Bonnie Raitt. She finally comes to terms with her infatuation. That's what you have to do. Even if you have the strong impulse to contact him. Ignore it. Don't do it.
Your feelings can't change his. So stop! You're almost making a fool of yourself. You should have more dignity than to grovel for the affections of a guy who can't reciprocate your feelings. It's beneath you.
Cut all ties, and take control of your mind and heart. Stop letting your emotions drag you through the mud. You're an adult. That requires you to take exercise self-discipline and self-control. Tame your emotions, and direct them where they should go.
Give them only to someone willing to reciprocate. You're not asking him to be friends, you're begging for acceptance. If you think about it, that sounds pitiful. You're not pitiful, you're stronger than that. You've just got to convince yourself.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 September 2015):
 You are making the assumption that because YOU like him, HE should like you back. That is not reality.
I don't think YOU can be his friend, because you will ALWAYS have this lingering hope that he want more. And he doesn't.
He will ALWAYS b on guard with you, because he doesn't WANT to hurt your feelings so it will not be this "great" friendship you have imagined it to be.
The longer you drag this out, the longer you are holding yourself back from meeting someone WHO actually WANTS TO be with you.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (2 September 2015):
 I think if he truly wanted to be friends he would have continued to keep the friendship relevant. It seems he is just being polite by responding to your random yearly catch ups. I mean you have cut him off twice. that is why i think you should now let sleeping dogs lie because the third time might not be so lucky and have no response at all because you have set the precedent for what is to follow. He could even have a gf by now and won't go for the complication.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 September 2015):
 Sometimes, it's just so darn hard to make that final break with someone who really "floated your boat."
BUT, the only way you will find to avoid kidding yourself that he's going to have an epiphany and fall in love with you.... is to make that break.... and learn how to put him in your rear-view mirror. Anything short of that will be you carrying a torch that he has to light....
Good luck....
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