A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey I am eighteen years old and I have a one month old baby with my boyfriend. We had broken up but now are back together and he had got a bunch of girls phone number, he talks to them late and night and is constantly texting them. I told him i am upset with this and he just says Im jealous and insecure. he says he doesnt hang out with them but i went through his phone and there was a message saying that she would be at work at 10 and to swing by to see her. These girls like him and he unknowingly leads them on. He refuses to get rid of their phone numbers because he said if we break up again he wants to be able to talk to them. I feel like he is looking for them the be his next girlfriend or something is this okay for him to do? He also has an addiction to porn I found it on the computer one day and he lied and said it wasnt him but then I was on his case about it so he admitted it was him and told me im overreacting and im just insecure and jealous. But because he looks at porn and is constantly talking to girls I feel so down about myself I used to be very confident now I feel very ugly and all I do is cry because I dont understand why he does this. he says its because hes latin so its okay for him to look at naked girls and because im white i think everything is wrong. but if he loves me why would he need to see other girls? Another thing he does is put his friends before me and his daughter. He would tell me he wanted to spend the day by himself and I would call and he would be with his friends until two in the morning and he would tell me that he felt bad telling them he didnt want to hang out but yet I would be at the house crying for him to see me and his baby and he doesnt feel bad for me. Please help me to understand I love him so much we are going to couples counseling soon I hope for him to understand.
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at work, insecure, jealous, porn, talking to girls, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (15 October 2007):
 Your boyfriend seems like a complete jerk he is hurting you and it seems like he is just using you if he loved you he would delete the numbers with no arguments and not say "when we break up i want to be able to talk to them" do the right think you may have a baby together but thats no reason to stay wih him, do you really want to keep getting hurt? If not then the only thing you have to lose is a man who treats you like you dont matter
A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (15 October 2007):
Your boyfriend seems like a complete jerk he is hurting you and it seems like he is just using you if he loved you he would delete the numbers with no arguments and not say "when we break up i want to be able to talk to them" do the right think you may have a baby together but thats no reason to stay wih him, do you really want to keep getting hurt? If not then the only thing you have to lose is a man who treats you dont matter
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A
female
reader, superdopah +, writes (15 October 2007):
you are going through so much right now you have just had a baby and that takes all your confidence straight away, i had my son at 17 so i know how you are feeling and listen to me when i say this you need a boyfriend like that like you need a hole in the head! if he continues to talk to these girls even though he knows it upsets you he is showing you no respect by doing it. and being latin is not an excuse to behave the way he does! you deserve better and please dont think that you cant go on without him by the sound of it he doesnt help you with your baby he just causes you upset and anguish, which is the last thing you need with a newborn, being without him would be a weight taken off your shoulders. whether you stay with him or not a day will come when you see him for what he is, and that your better of without him and you'll meet someone who will treat you right and make you feel like a princess instead of inadequate. good luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): Why are you with him? He doesnt sound like he is commited to you 100%. Are you sure you want to be with him? He would do my head in, why are you putting yourself through this? He has their phone numbers, they contact each other and he calls you jealous and insecure when you bring the subject up! er, i think i would be out of there like a bat out of hell! You have just had a child, so you are feeling pretty vunerable as it is. But do not put up with this. Life is much too short.
take care
xx
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (15 October 2007):
Ask to get married. He need to mature before he gives up the numbers of the old girlfriends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): Just because you had a baby together does not mean that either of you are ready for a mature relationship. Your boyfriend sounds very immature, which is normal for a guy this young....neither of you sound ready to be in a relationship and raise a child....I am sorry to say....it used to work in the old days to get pregnant to get a man, it doesn't work in today's time, people have too many options.
Personally, I think from the sounds of things, you need to give up on this man child, he is making you very neurotic and sad and you deserve better than this. Can you move back home with your family? You need their support and their guidance, you and your baby do not need to be in the land of no commitment and no respect and no love....get out before it makes you forget who you are....you deserve better than this....he still wants to be single and free, he isn't ready for this adult responsibility, so don't force him, it doesn't work.
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