A
female
age
51-59,
*ayd
writes:BF of 3 yrs cannot/will not come inside of me even though pregnancy is not possible. I have also suggested he use a condom if that would make him more comfortable with the idea. He doesn't seem interested in increasing our intimacy this way. We are not kids and I have no idea, outside of his having children, if he has always taken the option to withdraw. How can any man not know a woman wants this intimacy? Is this just a way to maintain his distance and control? Please do not "suggest" I let him come anywhere else, that is not the problem nor a solution for me. It just tells me you are also a man who doesn't get it. I am a woman and want him to come inside of ME! More than that, I really want him not to be able to resist doing just that.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): Funny how when a guy has an aversion...something he does not like to do sexually, he has "problems" and is "being selfish". When a woman posts on DC about not wanting to do a sexual act her male partner wants to (typically anal, oral, swallowing, etc), the overwhelming replies (especially from women) are that "you should never do what you dont want to" and "he's being selfish".
So what the hell...guys are selfish when they either want something, or wont give something? So if they aren't perfectly on the same wavelength theyre selfish and need help?
What bullshit.
Being sexually incompatible is just that. Why does there have to always be blame?
A
female
reader, K.J.  +, writes (26 November 2010):
I can completely relate to this issue.I have been with someone for the last few months, who also is like this. I actually googled the issue to see if anyone was going through what I am. I've not been in this situation before, but I'm finding it demoralising.He had an issue with a former partner a few years ago, that involved a pregnancy that she ended. So I know he is/was perfectly capable of coming inside another woman. He just chooses to not be that intimate with me. I almost feel blamed for her actions, or maybe he finds me less attractive and can't be that excited :( Meanwhile, the other woman is about to marry someone else, so she's moved on and enjoying life.I addressed this with him over a month ago, but still, no changes to his routine. I'm very sad about this and thinking it could be enough to break us. I never realised how special it is to have a man come inside me, and to reach climax together. Since your last post, I hope your man has allowed himself to give you the love you deserve. I think that is really the only solution, for him to let you be intimate properly.All the best
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 July 2010):
 One of the sexiest things my ex ever said was telling me to come inside of her. I can understand the oral fixation though, that feels really good too. I do agree with Chigirl and Dr.LM, he is definitely being selfish here. By refusing to do something you've requested, with only his selfish reasons makes me wonder just what his intentions are.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010):
I can't believe you are struggling to get your guy to bust a nut inside you. If there's no pregnancy or STD risk then I really don't get it.
I would find it arousing to know that my GF likes it and I'm not just doing it for myself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): If he can, but wont, then he is doing this for a specific reason, and it isn't an inability or physical reason. My guess is he prefers it elsewhere. He MAY have an aversion to it...some guys are very porn-headed, and only like to cum where they can see it (face, boobs, tummy, hair, etc). In any case, he is being a bit selfish. If he knows how much you enjoy it, and wont give you that pleasure, he is denying you something you need to be a happy couple. People have split up for less. You need to have the talk
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A
female
reader, dayd +, writes (13 July 2010):
dayd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks - we usually know the answers in our own minds but fail to give them appropriate weight until they are confirmed by others. I've obviously allowed "hope" to blur reality for far too long, as usual!! I appreciate your remarks and support. DD
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 Perfectly said, chigirl!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 Yes, he is being selfish. He likes it better when he comes in your mouth, but that is a less intimate act. It is fine, by all means, but not all of the time when you prefer it otherwise. That just isn't fair. You are two people who shall achieve pleasure, you are not only there to please him. He needs to please you too, and if there is no other reason behind it, then he needs to learn what love making is all about. He needs to experience just how passionate and great it is to make love and come inside of a woman. When you are getting great pleasure from it, he should be happy he can bring that pleasure to you, as anyone who loves someone will be thrilled when they can bring them ultimate pleasure.
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather +, writes (13 July 2010):
Well then it's high time he stopped acting so selfishly. He knows what it means to you - you know what it means for him. You are conceeding. He is taking. Ask him whatever happened to compromise? There are TWO people who need satisfaction here. Maybe you need to be more assertive about this.
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A
female
reader, dayd +, writes (13 July 2010):
dayd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone. Well, he only wants to come orally and says it makes his orgasm last longer. But I didn't ask that he stay inside me all of the time either, just sometimes. Also, when I last brought it up directly, he started talking about it ruining my flavor, which is funny as he has no objection to kissing me deeply after he has come in my mouth. He actually reaches the point of ejaculation in me and then switches - so he could, but won't. And there is 0 percent chance of pregnancy even if he did. Obviously, we are not avoiding any STDs with this activity either, not that I think that is any concern. In other words, he doesn't hear what it means to me, just how it wouldn't be quite as good for him, he presumes.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (13 July 2010):
Yes, I think we need to know more about his reasons for not coming inside of you. Some men do this to avoid pregnancy, but for them it is more of a subconscious act really, as everyone knows the pull-out method does not work anything near as great as contraceptives. Which leads me to believe he has a fear of some kind. Try to figure out what it is he is afraid of will happen if he comes in you. Try to talk about intimacy and how it makes you feel when he doesn't come in you.
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather +, writes (13 July 2010):
That's strange. No, I certainly won't tell you to let him come elsewhere - to ejaculate inside a woman's pussy as a climax to lovemaking is, I would have thought, every man's ultimate - certainly is mine. Maybe he can't finish of that way for some reason - you need a specific answer from him. Maybe he needs the extra 'tightness' of his own hand (no offence)or however else he finishes - you have not said.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (13 July 2010):
 What does he say when you tell him that you'd like him to come inside of you? Have you told him how much this turns you on?
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