A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I split up with my ex, he dumped me, very ugly terms ( he is a mummy's boy who used to badmouth his mum to me, led me on for years, and I bursted it all out to his mum, to find out from her he was badmouthing me to HER as well!) anyway, long ugly story.. Im happy to be done with him, but I do love him dearly and miss him. I never could or can see my future without him. But it's all water under the bridge now.. HOwever, years ago I set himup an email addie for our communication ( he usually doesnt use internet). I thik he's forgotten I know the password to it- recently i went in, and seen he has opened many mails from me that he didnt open during our relatioship. To make sure, I sent 'by accident' a group mail to most of my friends in which i include his email addie too, and he has opened that too today. He has no reason to go there unless to visit his past. It was his means of communication with only me; WHy is he doing it?He didnt contact me since he dumped me ( well we dumped eachother, I couldnt take his dumping anymore - he's done it for years then came back- so this time I reacted really cool and fed up and almost reliefed, although I was dieing inside). What does him checkingmails from me means?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy is he still going there and reads my emails?I've been sending one-liners not to persuade him, but cos it hard to let go and to heal myself, I feel like I'm being listened if I write there; but he still selects my mails through his junk mail and reads them; is he finding hard to let go? I decided to not write for a while, cos this way I am giving him satisfaction I am still thinkin of him, let him wonder as well what's up with me; in the past when I broke up with m exes, when I dumped one bing convinced I didn't want anything to do with him, I don't even bother Reading his emails, not even open them; but this guy loggs in daily into our email add where te only possible communication is from me; does he still miss me? Should I gain the power by withdrawing my emails?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI miss him and I want him back... Well not back as it were, but back willing to work thigs out in specific aspects.. I really
Miss him badly, not just having someone there.... And ... I've been dropping a few
Lines in our email add and ... He still checks them; has me not
Let go of
Me ? What should I do
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionErm guys... I really think this guy is the love of my life.. I don't want him back or rather I don't want to go back to the drama, I am moving on swiftly, going on a "date" with a friendly guy soon, meeting new people, getting back tv focus in my life; now after he anger has gone I don't feel rejected by him anymore and I genuiely wish he found his way and happiness; I don't care if he needs to be cruel or bad at me and I don't crave any reaction from him; I wonder if this is the way real healing goes? I wonder whether should I put all this positivity on paper and send it to him- he might need it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): No problem - sometimes when you distill it all down and focus what are the things you really want to happen - that's the important bit.
Live, Love, Eat and Laugh.
Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI must say, guys, that you helped me a lot. And Otherstarfish, your entertaining and insightful answer really opened my eyes. I showed it to my good friends and they laughed hard but quickly told me this is quite serious, really, as I should obviously move on no matter what, even good people on forums take their time to state the reality. I am quite amazed that someone who doesn;t know me was able to see through all this sh___ pretty accurately and quickly. So thank you very much. It remains to be seen how soon I will stop having a sneak in his emails.
I have taken up a friend's suggestion onhow to get my closure: order a good book about men who sadly have had a very very very appalingly bad childhood and their partners. I was shocked to identify with so much in the book, only that at the time it happened I wasnt aware I was in a really really destructive relationship, but now I know, and I am working on understanding and accepting and feeling empathy for him - just trying to forgive.
But, ANYWAY, thank you :-).
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): [fade music and lights up Switch to Chris Tarrent voice...]
"ok and welcome back....before the break we asked Anon (26) from Britain - what did she want out of this - she had two answers to choose from for the one million love euro question:
a) Him back
b) Not get to him back - but walk away proud and move on.
And Anon's answer is ..."
"B"
"Are you sure? Are you really sure?" [Pause look to Camera]
"Ok So your final answer is B. Lets find out if you were right. Ok computer please revel the correct answer. [Pause, que music] "The correct answer is B!" hooorray lights, ticker tape etc....
-enough of the gameshow...
Cool - correct answer. So how do you go about this? Well i would go in to the mailbox clear out all the junk you don't want and then close it. Walk away.
I think you are right and you will always feel injustice, but i think you are going walk through this and tell the truth. People who get off on putting others down really don't deserver your attention. HE lost not you. Now go find someone who is into you - really, madly, truly into You.
Hugs, star.x. (trying very hard to loose the Chris Tarrent accent, ok)
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers, Otherstarfish and Emilysanswers.. I guess you nailed it, I am still very very angry and in disbelief to be treated like this. I don;t thinki WANT this person back, but I am still so very very very angry for the way he has been treating me. I just don;t think it;s on people can mess others up like this then walk away like nothings happened, thank you very much, and the ones left behind are supposed to take the high road, not ask questions, no nothing, just accept this treatment..... grrrrrr
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (4 June 2009):
I think the real question is why are you still cyber stalking him?
Why are you not out getting a life instead of emailing him and then checking up to see what he's up to?
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): Who wants to be a millionaire type voice...ok for 1 Million love euros, what do you want out of this?
Is the answer;
a) Him back
b) Not get to him back - but walk away proud and move on.
c) to spend a very long time in wish forfilment that he is coming back? Then realise he isn't and wonder why i have spent so long pineing
d) want to get so angry with him and then get him back for no reason, except to feel right.
After a break up there is going to be fallout - and vindication and accusation. Why do you need these things? what are you trying to prove - it wont change the situation. Even if does - you score points on an Ex - great, wow, fabulous....is it really worth it? - i don't think so. I think you are hurt by what has happened and cant accept it so you are looking for ways to be proven right. IF we take away to random wrong answer to above you only A or B - I think you want A, but if we ask the audience their answer will be B.... So what is your final answer....
.....we will be right back after the break.
Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys.. it's me again wiht a little update.. Well I have just seen in his sent messages that he wrote to one of the people that he thinks is my very close friend with his side of the story, in which he accuses me of everything that's gone wrongs with our relationship, he calls me liar, manipulator, etc. His version is really skewed and it made me really angry for him to distort things like that to my friend!! and in the same time, i feel he is a lost cause, i can never been with someone who is so dodgy about things. But why has he wrtten to my friend??? and he goes daily to this address, in which thre are only spam msgs and emails from me, and he opens mine up. WHat on earth is going through his mind?? Is he too angry with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u :-).gosh I wish I will forget him even if it takes a rebound
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): so...give up looking for him get rid of the password... move on... and be Happy...:)
Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you guys for your useful feedback! Taken all on board! There's no way of reconciliation, as all last year he has been promising he moves in with me "next week/next week" (that's why we got a flat together), only to find out later on he was lieing and leading me on, blaming his mum all along for being between us----which wasn't true......).. I left twice yet me came back begging with tears and promising he will change; the last ugly split up was me feeling so frustrated after all these years that I blew it all on his face--- showed his mum his emails in which he badmouths her Badly and talk about our plans... So nahhh, love him loads, but if 3 years nothing changed, maybe it's my
Time to accept it and move on.. :-(. Thank you anyway
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (22 May 2009):
 I agree with Other Starfish, do you want this guy back or not? It is very simple - I know there are probably reasons for both but you need to make your decision. It seems to me that you do want him back because you are trying to see what he is up to by logging on to his emails, and now you are getting excited that he is reading old emails from you.
So if you want him back, then just tell him! So what he lives with his mum, he will move out oneday and if you really love him that much then you will get over it.
But if you feel that you cannot get over your differences and that there is no way to resolve your issues, then you have to stop the crazy ex behaviour and leave him alone. If you dont want him back then it doesnt matter why he is reading your emails, it is completely irrelevant. Leave the guy alone and concentrate on moving on.
I think if one of us on here said "I think he is reading your emails because he misses you and he is still in love with you" then we would be telling you what you want to hear. Which is an indication that you want him back! So make your choice and stand by it, rather than checking up on him and driving yourself mad with all the "what does this mean" business!
I hope this helps!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthat inbox is not really his inbox.. he doesnt get/send any other emails there unless from /to me....as for me, I am still in disbelief and tryin gto accept, after a week, what I have been trying to overlook and deny for all the years we have been together.. i know it's not possible since this is a classic case of mummy's boy, and the split up has been really messy. well he still chose to remain at home with mummy to tell him off, at 29.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 May 2009):
Well he obviously has found a use for email other than speaking to you.
If he wanted to get in touch he would have done.
He read what you had to say, realised it wasn't really for him and ignored it.
Stop hanging around his inbox like a crazy ex and move on.
He's not worth you spending this amount of time on.
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): So... do you want him back - its a yes - no question...
if its no - really no then stop wasting time - why are you going in the email account - i suspect he might have posted a reverse question on here...
anyway to answer your question i think he is at a loose end and curious...
i think you have to decide and if you think it can work and you are into each other then go for it...
Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you OtherStarfish :-). I get that, but my poin tis why is he going there when he only used to use that address for communication with me? There is no other reason for him to go there.. I do miss him and yeah, love him, and I hope I can move on because the signs have always been that our relationship is imposible, however I still wish for the fantasy... errrr
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): ....
it means he has got a mail and wanted to read it (I know that sounds obvious) but that is all.
You need to get over him... not him over you. If you don't want him - why are you wasting energy on him like this?
go find someone wonderful for you.
Star.x.
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