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female
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anonymous
writes: my boyfriends been blatently lieing to me for the 2 years we have been together. he goes in to chat rooms trying to get to know other women intimatley. Every time i catch hin he'll just change his name or move to another sight, he has secret emails and phone numbers that he thinks i dont know about. He wont speak to me about it or say sorry. the only time he seems interested in me is when were in bed.after 2 years were seeing each other less than what we did at the beginning. He lives with his mum and dad on the other side of town and has no job and he has never invited me to his house. He stays with me at weekends which is how i catch what hes upto, i find bookmarks, texts and numbers in his phone and have a keylogger on my pc, i know his passwords and am catching him nearly every month doing somthing perverted or unfaithful. I dont no if hes met any 1 and theres no point in asking him as he denies everything even when i have proof. I feel emotionaly abused and ive tried finishing him three times and he just shows back up at my house at the normal time and day he comes round and sits there not saying anything to me hoping ill forget, how can i foget when hes doing it every month showing not a hint of guilt, im crying myself to sleep every night because im som fed up and lost, i have two children who its also not fair on. I considered moving so i could get over him and he wont find me but i cant afford it being a single mum.I just want to be happy, im not a bad person and i dont deserve this, im always honest and faithful in a relationship and believe its about give and take, i dont go for looks, i just want an honest man to be aprt of my family with ,y children. I need help and know one will listen to me!
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female
reader, justice +, writes (8 August 2006):
let him go and move on he is crazy and you dont need him you can get someone better!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): Dear, you have a bf who has incredibly poor character. It appears you have discerned all this by continually finding the evidence. He's slimey, skuzzy and degrading to you. He lies, he's dishonest and he's disrespectable. So why are you putting up with all this? You need to know that you can drop this loser and start living your life? Step out of your own neediness, get proactive and begin living a full, independent life. It will be tough but it's the only way you can go and that is upward. gain You are a Mother, you have children. Let your children see your strength and courage. They will admire you for that, some day. Heal from this, recover and move on. And when the time is right, you will find someone in your life who offers you and your children, love, respect and will be a good role model. Examples of good character role models are crucial in helping your children develop the emotional and character tools they will need, for a happy life. Your current bf is not offering anything except a chaotic, painful future of self-doubts and emotional abuse. Why would you want your children to learn that and endure their Mother's pain? Start planning now. Call in all the support you can muster because it can be done. It won't be easy. There are ways, you just have to find them. Many single Mom's and their children, walk away from horrendous abuse with just the clothes on their back but they do this because they are so determined and they know there is a better way. They find the determinations, the strength to do it. Talk to a pastor, a counsellor, social services, a crisis line..anything to get yourself moving. Do it for your life and that of your children.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): It sounds like your boyfriend is using sex and the intrest of other women as a means to boost his self esteem.
Living and home with his parents and out of work would be a crushing blow to the self esteem.
This doesn't excuse him of cheating on you and using you whenever he feels the need.
This isn't how a man should love and respect a woman.
I don't think you enjoy the whining, I think you want validation.
You are right in how you feel. You want an honest, responsible, self reliant, man who can love and respect you and be what you need. You want to do the same for this man.
*hugs*
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): Whether he's cheating or not he is showing a total lack of respect for you and your children. He hasn't introduced you to his family which suggests to me that he doesn't see you have a committed relationship together.You are a single woman with two children and he sees that you are vulnerable. He is taking advantage of this and using you. Be strong, don't let this hurt continue. Don't spend anymore time distressing yourself over this guy.Go out and find yourself someone who will treat you with the respect you and your family deserve. Kick him out,I know it is hard I did it myself but you will save yourself so much further heartache if you stop it now.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (8 August 2006):
 You need to snap out of it, no one is listening to you because you seem to enjoy the whining. Tell the guy to get lost and mean it. Don't let him back into your life. Show your kids you have a backbone and get back the self-respect you've lost. Then get out there and start looking for that honest man you want so badly. Good luck!
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