A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has always been quite closed, he often doesn't want to see me because he wants to spend time in his own company, or doesn't feel happy or whatever, I always have respected this as at least he was honest but found it hard to deal with.However this evening hit me particularly hard, I asked to go round ( something I don't think should be necessary) via a phone call earlier on in the day, he said I could and I made my way over, texting him on the way to let him know i was coming, to which I got a sharp reply telling me I hadn't given him any warning and had just invited myself over, and I shouldn't force him into decisions like that over the phone. He then went on to tell me to back off cos I was scaring him. Which I told him was very harsh considering I do keep my distance when asked to, I ask before turning up and so on. I'm not clingy, I see him maybe a couple of times a week, I don't check up on him and so on.After this he changed his tune a bit asking me what I wanted from him, I said as I do want, a relationship, not somewhere between a friend and a sex buddy that he seems to regulary treat me as. His reply was that he knew he was being unfair but couldn't change and that he could be a good boyfriend when he had good days, but didnt have many. I went on to tell him I thought he should seek help ( similar situations have happened before) as most of this stems from his ex girlfriend of 5 years leaving him, but this was now 4 years ago, and hes never come out of this outlook on life, and now he was begining to wreck his future because I couldn't carry on like this.I also said in a stupid moment of guilt that I was sorry for forcing him to be with me and that if he wanted to be alone it was fine. His response was that he did not want to be alone and the only person he would want is me, and that his head had been all over the place since we split at Christmas ( he left me because he was supposably jealous of the way I was around my male best friend but seemed to completely forget about it a week later).Even the girlfriend of his best friend is now telling me to move on and forget him because I deserve more, my parents have told me the same ( im honest about what goes on even if its detremental). I know any rational person would have left and never went back a long time ago, but I can't seem to do it. One minute hes telling me that he loves me so much he can see a real future together, he wants me round all the time, so on so forth, the next it's like this. Just giving up and walking away despite the fact everyone is telling me so doesnt work, I cant disconnect myself from this man I find it too hard, despite the pain he puts me through.
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best friend, christmas, ex girlfriend, his ex, jealous, move on, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (6 January 2008):
 He just want to be left alone for a while..Give him some space for him to clear his thoughts.He feels you are suffocating him.
Don't judge yourself too harshly. It is not your fault. He does not know how to appreciate your love and concern.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionupdate, today he told me I ran after him too much, was too willing to help him and be there for him and as a result I scared him. I annoyed him something rotten when I text him he wanted to throw his phone at the phone, but when he was with me I brought out the best in him.
I didnt know what to make of this and have felt devestated, I have had some bad times with men and this just put the icing on the cake. I now feel completely worthless, pathetic and a bad person. I know its not the case but this is how I feel.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (5 January 2008):
Your b/f seems to have a split personality like Dr. Jekyll and Hyde.Some people have multiple personalities and it is like a completely opposite person.
I am afraid there is nothing you can do about them . They are born that way.
You can treat them like a friend or if you cannot handle them , move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): Hi Love,
You b/f need help this previous relationship has messed with his head in a big way, He could have a deap deppresion or should I say has got a deap depression and its not you its the fear of loosing again, Ive seen this close up in a friend of mine and he was a lovely person but the relationship that caused his breakdown just ruined him for a long time. He needed counselling and wanted to be alone he pushed everyone away even his family at times. For him he is probably in hell somewere not knowing what to do as he is so confussed, This can and does go on for a long time love, My advise to you would be a friend when he needs you he will phone try and tell him of your concerns and ask him to seek help. But as a b/f I dont think you will find what you are looking for in this young man as he has been this way without help for so long and if he does get help its going to take along time for him to get well, Never think this is you as he does in his way care for you but as soon as his feelings get overwhelming for him he closes off, Thats why your better off just being a friend if you can, Im sorry you are having this happen in your life and I hope you understand if you need to chat mess me any time ok TAKE CARE WITH LOVE AND HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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