A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would like and advice. I have been dating the father of my child since 06, we have brocken up couple of time, and everytime we have brocken up he ends up hooking up (having sex/having sexual activities) with one of his ex from high school. (2x's that i know off 1x was his ex-from highschool, and the other person was a muatual acquaintance who performed on him) both times his been honest and told me him self. Keep in mind we were brocken up on both occations. Now he proposed to me he wants to get married. I do love him
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to say thank you to all the answers I got on my question. Right now I have decided to take baby steps. Thank you guys soooooooo much! for your time on helping me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): By only reading your title, a thought popped into my head:
"every time we break up? Well how many times have they broken up?"
If you can use a phrase such as "every time," then that alone puts up red flags and tells me that marraige is definitely a dangerious thing. Because remember, once you're hitched.. that's it. You can't just break up and get back together and do it all again. You may very well be ready, but I just wanted to add my little warning.
As for the sex and the ex, I think the fact that the acts were done upon break up and no more, has made no just cause for too much worry. He has not cheated on you (that you've said), but was probably just upset and went running to who he knew would accept him at the moment. i've heard of it a lot. Couples break up and instead of dealing with their emotions, they run to stringless, emotionless, soley feel-good sex to distreact them from what's really goign on.
Goodluck!
~SY.
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A
female
reader, SheilaWatkins +, writes (25 June 2009):
 you need to make sure he really loves you and wants be with you and only you. Once you are married there are no breaking up and sleeping with other people, yo uare togehter for the rest of your lives. I mean he was honest enough to tell you but will he still do that once you are married, you ugys get in a fight and him "hook up" with an ex?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): Well... there are some technialities here arent there? You were broken up... so by tech he is not cheating. Here is the other flip side.. How bad was the fights and how long the breakup... I am saying that, if you have a fight and later that night he goes and gets his gove on or groved upon... Thats BS and he's out.
on the other hand saying its been a week and you both think it is deffinitly done... By my standards i'm movin on... to someone else to get over that person and to start a new.. or to just plain get some. You then can't hold him accountable.
So you cant judge him if he though you both were done... the fact that he was completely honest is saying somthing. He did not have to tell you and odds are you would not have found out.
So sitting down and telling him how you feel such as... if we get in a fight I don't want you out there screwing the neighborhood. Not in so blunt a terms though.
But talk with him, tell him how it made you feel and ask how he felt. Work out a PLAN for when you both get mad of what you will do and try to keep that in mind when you fight.
Example: I used to drive off mad when my man and I got into fights. Now I walk around the block with my mp3 player cool off then come back to it.
This will help having a set plan in motion for two reasons..
a- it will help establish good communication for the two of you..
b- it gives strenth and reassurance in your relationship and helps to start to build some trust where some was lost...
So in plain answer to your question.. I think marriage will be fine if you both can sit down like mature adults and work things trough. If not, then let it go because nobody wants life with a maybe or maybe not cheater.
so listen carefully on what your heart and your mind are saying to you
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A
female
reader, AngellicaWaters +, writes (25 June 2009):
 If the breakups you experienced with him were in the beginning of your relationship and you have been able to make it work successfully for last couple of years without a lot of conflict or breakups, marriage might not be a bad idea.
But if you have broken up over the last year to year and a half, it would be wise to wait before getting married.
Love is great, but it won't hold a relationship together. Good communication, loyalty, compatibility, mutual values and respect in a relationship are what will hold it together. If your relationship has these qualities in excess currently, then marriage might work for you.
But, if it seems he is the sort of man who breaks up with you or uses breakups as an excuse so that he can 'hook up' with other women, then definitely do not marry him. I would suggest a long engagement and if you do not breakup in that time or have of relationship conflicts, and you feel secure and happy in the relationship (no doubts of cheating or feelings that something might be off) then absolutely proceed to marriage.
It is important your child be raised seeing you with someone who respects you and who treats you right. You are teaching your child what a relationship should be like by providing an example. If that is an unhealthy example, then your child will probably seek out unhealthy relationship too, because he/she will not know any different. It would be better to be with someone who treats you with respect and loyalty even if that person isn't your child's father. No matter who you are with it is important that your child has a positive example of what a healthy relationship should be like.
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