A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My bf and i have dated for the past 4 years. He is legally married with a kid. His "wife" is in Europe. They have been separated even before our relationship (she had to go back to Sweden and he stayed in Germany). He moved to US and thats when we started dating. He had contact with her once in a while because of the child. He also went to visit them. She doesnt work and he supports her and the child. Bought the the apartment, sends money monthly and provides pretty much everything else for them. He told me, at the beginning, that he would get divorced soon and that there is nothing between them.While his visit to Europe, he told me he was in different coutry with his friend while he was actually there in Sweden with her (at her house). He returned and after talking and stuff he said it was only because of child etc. 6 months later, we weren't doing well and he packed and left for Germany. We didn't have no contact. One year later, he returned-he brought her and a child with him. They got the apartment and lived like a family. About 4-5 months since he had come, we saw each other for the first time out-accidentally. Old feelings came back, we exchanged the numbers and saw each other the next day. He said that he still loved me, that she just came with the child to get the us citizenship and was going back. We continued to see each other under specific circumstances which were that 1)he was going to get divorced asap 2) that we were going to move in together asap because he claimed he wanted to and loved me so much 3) eventually to have family....It is now almost one year later and he still hasn't done anything claiming that his marriage doesn't mean anything and that it is just on papers. He comes to my house and stays every night, goes to work from here etc. yet, we are not living together and all he says is that we will. I also saw on few occasions (including valentines day) that she texted him.What i am suspicious of is why he hasnt done anything he promised? Is he with me because he doesn't have anyone here and is he going to be back with her again? At one point he did say that if we didnt work, he would rather be with or have sex with her than some new/other woman.What do you think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): Hi
I think I am in the same situlation as you, girl.
I have been this man for 4 months and we are living together in my flat. Despite, the fact that he is already married to a woman in Eastern Europe.
However, they have never live together since they have been married (10 months, only). He just knocked her up on the holiday....Well, it is really mess up as he had to marry her, giving her a house, citizenship to the baby and huge sum of monthly allowance.
He told me that he loves me and wanted to marry me...However, it has been so difficult for him to leave his daughter....It will takes time, money and he can not afford anything right now etc etc
Girl, I do not believe these kind of bollocks.
Now, I am secretly applied for a new job in a new country and also planning to leave this guy out of the blue!!
Please, have a ball. Nobody deserve your tears. You have invested your emotions, energies and times toward this kind of relationship. By the end of the day, you might not getting anything in return!!
Good luck with all decisions.
Debby
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo make it lil more clear: He is not sleeping with the wife. She is in Europe and we are here in US. They have been separated for years. They were in different countries even before we met (while they were both in Europe). That is why i dont understand him. He says he doesn't want to be with her and they were separated for all these years and went on and off .... He says he will divorce (without me forcing him to) but he just doesn't do it! He's been saying it since we started dating....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): He's been telling you a right old story from the very beginning - and you have fallen for it.
Anyway, what do you mean "is he going to be back with her?"
He never LEFT her, don't you realize that?!
You have already wasted four years with a man who is very clearly not going to divorce his wife and move in with you -he would have done it long ago if he was going to.
Time now for you to give him his marching orders once and for all!
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A
female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (8 August 2007):
 Wow, you do realize you are the other woman, stealing a wife's husband? You have no right, no legal standing or any responsibility to ask him to divorce his wife. You want to know why he hasn't divorced her? She is the love of his heart while you are just the extra sex he feels he needs. You are being used and lead on, girl. Go find a responsible man who wont cheat on you (you realize you ARE helping him cheat, right?). You deserve nothing from him. he is disrespecting you and his own wife by being with you, caring nothing for women yet playing you both. It's disgusting. Unwind your feeling from around him and plant them on a man who isnt a cheater. What makes you think that after he divorces the wife that eh will be threw with her? He has a child with her and he will ALWAYS have to be in contact with her. Any money you two earn will be sent to the wife. Don't go after the crap life. Go after a pure one. AND yes you two are living together because you are acting like a married couple by sleeping with each other which is totally gross because he is intimate with her then comes on back over to you. You like that kind of sharing? Gross.
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A
male
reader, DanBing  +, writes (8 August 2007):
 Shock him and lay it on the line. Say unless he sorts it out you dont want to be with him anymore.
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A
female
reader, edsbabygirl +, writes (8 August 2007):
 I think he is bogous girl. If you can't see it you never will. You can't live on promises, only actions!
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