A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Id like some advice as im not sure if I have a right to be upset or if its just my hormones playing up.to cut a long story short my partner still looks after his ex's child a few days a month as she doesn't see her real dad so hes kept visits with her after he split with her mum. I do struggle with it as she can be extremely rude, noisy and disrespectful to me and can be badly behaved but I can't do anything as im not her mum which is frustrating when she's staying in my house but I dont complain about it as I dont want to make my partner feel like im asking him to put me before her as I know i shouldn't come before her.now the thing im upset about is thatni recently just had a baby with my partner, our little boy is two weeks old :-) now throughout my whole pregnancy my partner promised and constantly reassured me that when the baby was born he wouldn't have his step daughter for a couple of weeks to give us time to adjust as a family as its a first child for both of us so everything is new to us. However our boy is two weeks old tomorrow and he has had his step daughter for three days so far, the first day was when the baby was less than a week old. And he has her for the full day as well which means he either leaves me alone with the baby for most of the day or brings his step daughter over all day.I had complications during labour and ended up having a c-section so im still recovering from surgery and am breast feeding so am getting 2 hours maximum sleep at a time so im absolutely exhausted. Now my partner has just told me he forgot he agreed to have his step daughter for the day tomorrow and he had completely forgotten, yet I know he was texting his ex yesterday (I dont know what about as I only saw her name pop up on his phone) so I find it hard to believe that they hadnt spoken about it then. Plus he said at the weekend he wasnt sure when he was next having her so I cant help feeling like hes lying about having forgotten. im upset that he's gone back on his word and hasn't given us the two weeks to settle as a family like we discussed, and I really cant cope with his stepdaughter round the house. Shes so noisy so i cant sleep nor can the baby whens shes over and she is constantly touching the baby and trying to pick him up even though shes not allowed as she's too young. Plus the baby has an eye infection so no one should touch his face without clean hands. But I know its only for a few hours so I should just put up with it. I don't know if I have a right to be upset or if im jusy overreacting due to my hormones? I feel like an absolute bitch for saying this but I really dont want his stepdaughter over our house but obviously I cant tell him that as its unfair on him but im struggling to control my emotions and I don't know what to do. I know they say you can get baby blues but I feel ridiculous for crying over this! Plus if I feel such negative thoughts towards his stepchild then does that make me a bad mother?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2014): To the anonymous female below saying the OP is jealous etc. you are a bit out of line here I have to say. Do u have children? Do u know what it's like to adjust to being a new mum AND recover from major surgery while breastfeeding??? No OP you do not sound bad at all... you are a hormonal new mum and ur guy has gone back on his word. He should be supporting you and ur new baby and trying to help as much as he can. Talk to him.. let him know how u feel x and congratulations x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2014): So let me get this right... You have your cosy little family and don't want the constant reminder that your partner has a past, he is obviously extremely fond of this child (which makes him one of the good guys) and in guessing the child sees him as a father... If she was his blood child then you'd have to involve the child more... The kid is innocent In all this and is only acting like a child that wants to be with her dad, that baby is half his too and your acting like it's solely yours and you can say who sees it and when... Grow up your a mum now.... If I was your partner I'd be thinking your a a spoilt jealous petty woman!!! Suck it up and stop being so precious about the baby.... Be thankful you've got a lovely partner who sounds like a decent bloke!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2014): No, you're not a bad mother. Yes, some of it is hormones. Yes, you are perfectly within your rights to feel like this. Your partner was inconsiderate and needs to step up as dad - like, now.
The good news is, the more time his ex's daughter spends at your house with what will probably be considered her brother, the more likely she is going to want to be second-mum and help you, rather than be noisy (provided you both give her some 1-on-1 attention while the other one looks after the baby - it'll give your partner a kick up the butt if you say you'll occupy his daughter while he spends time bonding with your baby :) We might as well call her your partner's daughter if he was in her life for a few years when she was very young - how old is she?
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