A
female
age
41-50,
*ear
writes:Years ago, I had a thing for my ex boss. He wouldn't date me at the time because I was 20 and he was 31. Despite the fact that there was no romance, he took me out anyway. Dinner, movies, theme parks, his house. He never touched me though- and I made my feelings for him very clear. Eventually, we had a falling out and I found a real boyfriend, and we lost touch.I didn't see him for years, but I would wonder about him. I even found old journal entries where I wrote about him. This past October, I considered trying to look him up. I didn't have to. HE tracked me down this January. He found me through a mutual friend.We chatted on the phone every day for about a month. He wanted to get together. We're both single. He's never been married, but he did adopt a child a few years ago (non biological) and he cares for a sick parent.He was going to meet me out at a bar. I was going to be there with some friends. The day before he was in my area, and stopped to see me after he ran an errand. It was only about 20 minutes, but everything was fine. He's gained quite a bit of weight and went a little white. (hair) I look pretty much the same. I'm early 30's, he's early 40's. He called me twice that evening after I saw him- AND that day he touched me for the first time. He hugged me. He had never done that.The next day, he canceled on me. He said he had to take care of the ill parent. I was ok with this. After all, I still had plans. He didn't reschedule anything, but he continued to call. Sometimes he'd call 18 times in a day. He send me little texts as well.Two weeks ago, he decided that he needed to do something with his hair. (I'd be admiring Adam Lambert's hair, lol) He asked if I'd go with him. I said I would. For two days, we discussed it. He also told his kid we were dating. WTF? Dating? He hadn't even asked me out, and I didn't question it. I have no energy for that.The day of the hair change, he called to make sure I was still going to meet him. I said I was. An hour before the appointment, he called and kind of tried to talk me out of going. He said he didn't want to make me go out of my way for him. I went anyway. It was fine. He had his hair cut into a trendy cut and colored. No more white. When he was done, he practically RAN out of the salon. He said he had to get home to feed his family. I was halfway across the street, but he said he wanted to hug me. It was a tight hug. Long. The second time the man had ever touched me. He called me as soon as he got into his car, and called again later that night. There has only been one day since January that he didn't call. I didn't ever mention it, but he did. He said he was sick that day. He isn't obligated to call every day, so I don't know why he had to justify it to me?Here comes the fun part......the next day, he called and asked me to go to Vegas with him. He had to go on business. It took him 3 days to convince me. Initially, I declined. He was very excited when I agreed and began to make all sorts of plans. I kept asking him for some sort of flight confirmation, but he kept putting me off. (I was going to pay for own ticket) A week went by........he'd call a few times a day, but no confirmation. Seriously......he needed my damn credit card number! Never asked for it. Last week, he said he may have to cancel- due to the sick parent. I didn't even react. I said, Ok, let me know. That night, the trip was 100% on again. This past weekend......100% on. Last night- canceled! Apparently, he couldn't get the tickets...........Again, I did not react. I was away from my phone last night. When I came back to it, I had missed calls and texts from him. He thought I was ignoring him. When I did finally talk to him, he was a nervous wreck. He kept apologizing, and saying how he had been looking forward to it, and he kept trying to say I was angry and disappointed. I was just being normal. (Actually, I WAS angry, but I didn't want him to know that.) I told him that I'm sure he'll still go, and that he'll have fun, and that someday I'll go with friends. I said it's no big deal. he said he hopes I'll keep talking to him, and that he wants to take me to some local events that he knows I want to see. He said he wants to be more social with me, but that the parent makes it difficult.What is this? He plans this stuff, gets me to agree, then gets out of it! Seriously, why is he doing this? I've never pressured him. I have been nothing but 100% friendly with him. What does he want from me?
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female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Ugh this is confusing. He sounds like he's rich (goes on business trips) then acts like a low self esteem baby.What the hell? I suggest you sit down and have a serious conversation about what he wants from you. By the way,what do YOU want from him? Are you still attracted to him? Do you want a relationship?
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