A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:He kept telling me how much he wanted me in his life and wants to tell his children and siblings about me but only told siblings and they wasnt happy about it {or he's white and Im black} but he said he didnt care how they feel he cares about me. I told him if thats true do oral sex. we had not had any kind of sex. he did and we were happy for a week then he broke up with me. Why?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 If you already firmly believe he bowed to pressure from his family then why are you asking us?That may have been a factor, assuming they even knew of you, but your use of oral sex as a litmus test for his sincerity helped make up his mind. He probably decided you weren't worth defying his family for. In any event, I wouldn't bother trying to get an explanation out of him. He doesn't owe you one. It would have been nice and certainly the gentlemanly thing to do, but then, you didn't exactly behave as a lady. Next time, don't bluff with something you don't want.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): I realy didnt want him to do oral sex. I just wanted him to be honest about his feeling for me... I believe his family dont want him with a black woman, not because of what he had to do to show me he really wants me. I believe he do but afraid of his family
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 He wanted sex, you "only" let him do oral. Or he just felt it was really weird that he had to prove that he wanted to be with you by doing oral.
Obviously, he wasn't a keeper.
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A
female
reader, chaijam  +, writes (25 August 2012):
He might feel funny about you saying that the way he should prove his love to you is by giving you oral sex.. That could have been taken the wrong way and his siblings may have supported any doubts he may have had about you.
I suggest talking to him and clearing the air to find out what's really going on. Even if that doesn't fix things, it will give you some piece of mind.
Best of luck :)
J
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (25 August 2012):
 First of all he was not sincere. A man's actions tell you the character of the man, not his words.
And secondly sex too early is never a good idea. It debases you and it makes him think it was way too easy.
First of all always make a man prove to you who he really is.
Secondly make the man do the work. It is his job to convince you that he is acceptable to you and your standards. It is not your job to hand it all to him on a plate.
Next time you meet a man let him prove his devotion to you by NOT offering any variation of sex and NOT agreeing to any form of oral through to sex until he has shown you by his actions that he is genuine.
And if you lose a few guys? Who cares? If they cannot wait three months, six months or even 12 months for sex then you have lost nothing.
The standards that you set will be defined by you. You think 12 months is too long? I was so marriage shy the second time around that I literally would not even agree at first to an evening date due to my feeling that it was too soon to date. So we met for lunch. We discussed books we both loved and exchanged books. I was invited to work functions (so he was happy to invite me to meet work colleagues) and also meet family and friends. And I did the same with him. We eventually did attend weekend family gatherings. The relationship was more committed for the delay and he was understanding of why I was so cautious. I lost nothing by the delay. We both knew the chemistry was there but there was no need to prove anything. We enjoyed each other's company.
Thinking having any form of sexual contact proves anything or defines anything in a relationship is a fallacy.
I think he was telling you the things he thought you wanted to hear. But in the end your more confronting style was too much for him. The relationship needed more time to develop and for greater commitment and trust to be there before things developed a little more slowly.
You have lost nothing if he was that shallow. It is exceptionally sad that he duped you like that.
But you will not make the same mistake again.
You know you deserve better than what he was offering.
He proved himself unworthy of you in the end.
I really hope your next relationship is with a more genuine man and that the relationship is able to develop to a greater level of commitment and trust between the two of you.
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