A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Good morning to all...I am writing for some advice or just another opinion outside of the one that I have within my relationship.I have been living with a man for nine months now and would like to think that my intentions are good. I do my best to contribute around the house and be sensitive to his needs; I feel as though mine are on hold though.As time has gone on in this relationship I feel a distance between us. Financial difficulties at the moment are a great stressor, however, I believe that it is only a moment in time and this shall pass. As a result distance exsists between us which on one hand I can understand and try to work with. He has expressed a need to zen out in front of the television (I am not a television person at all) and I have learned to respect this and give him space while he does. My problem is that this is all he seems to want to do. He spends most of his evening in front of it, weekends as well. I am not talking about a couple of shows, but instead hours and hours on end watching many. When I try to mention to him that I would like some attention he gets mad at me and seems to push me away. This is an ongoing issue with no apparent resolution and I feel like I am going crazy. He turns his back on me whenever I address this and either walks away from me or sits in front of either medium even more.I am at a point where I am feeling not wanted. He does not initiate holding me ( I am told that if I want it I can go to him). Intimacy is becoming less and less and again I am told that I should be initiating. His idea of initiating at times (I do not mean to offend anyone with the following statement) is to say "Get in here and suck my cock". I try to let him know that it would be more appealing to be romanced and held a little first but to no avail.Each weekend that goes by presents the same scenarios which are quite stressing to say the least. He does not show any interest in doing things with me and suggests that this is a normal relationship.My question is: Is this normal? I feel not wanted and pushed away and am at the end of my rope here. I feel that television and computer are more important on a consistant basis and he is not really interested in sincere efforts here in this relationship. Thank you. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (12 September 2009):
 No this isn't normal.One of the reasons why relationships break up is because one or the other or both partners fail to pay attention to the other or each another.In order for a relationship to thrive and mature, both partners have to make time for each other. In other words, do things together as a couple. Active participation is the key word here.What's happened is that your man is sitting in front of a glow box, 24/7 being brainwashed by the pixels on the TV or computer monitor.At this point, he's taking you for granted and failing to attend to your needs as a woman in this relationship. In other words, he's turned it into a 1 way street.The only way to break this habit is to get him away from the electronic media and spend time together doing the things you like and he likes.He also has to find a way to set aside time during his weekend to zen out with your body cuddled up to his. Every loving relationship requires emotional and physical intimacy. You crave it, and he's not fulfilling that need. So he ignores you, and pays far too much attention to the television set.The other part of this situation is that you two need to re-open lines of personal communications. How can you be intimate emotionally and physically if only one of you is talking and the other one's drowning out what's being said?The one way to do this of course is to force him to pay more attention to you. That means outright turning off the TV, even if he's watching it, walking up to him, taking his face in your hands, staring him in the eyes and telling him you want him to listen to you and pay attention to you. Tell him what you need from him. Do it lovingly, do it gently but tell him so he understands. Then ask him to limit his TV and computer habits to a short time every day or so, that way he can actually be a man to you, instead of a 5 year old in front of a TV screen.That should do the trick. If he loves you he'll do it for you.Frankly, intimacy and love will distract him from the financial woes a lot more than the television or computer will. All the TV and computer do is spew bad news all day anyway. Intimacy is a reward in and of itself. Its why people couple up and enter into relationships. He's forgotten that reward.If he's still adamant, it may be time to show him the door.
A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (12 September 2009):
 Hi there, I really feel for you. I'm sorry this is happening to you. Theres an old saying which goes.. when poverty comes through the door, love flies out the window.Seems to be a truth in your scenario.Sounds like your situation is miserable, with your self esteem being knocked at every turn by your guy who seems intent on sticking his head in the sand and zoning out.My friends husband is like your guy in that all he does every night is sit in front of the tv all night as well. She doesnt seem to care, but it wouldnt do for me. I find it quite depressing. Thr difference is that my friends husband really loves her.If I was you i'd tell him exactly how you feel, which it seems like you've already done and if that doesnt bring about a change i'd leave him, before anymore of your life passes you by. He sounds depressed, but only he can do something about it. good luck x
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